the sleep of angels

Augustus sleeps

Really, is there anything more perfect than a sleeping toddler? And I mean that on so many levels. I can never quite capture the perfect innocence, the perfect vanilla breath, the perfect love of love sleeping.

We have been sick here, and I mean Sick. Uugggghhhh. But it has given me the opportunity to slow down and snuggle. A lot. Lot's of big girl snuggles, lot's of little boy snuggles, and lots of Frida snuggles also because as does Augustus does Frida. The homeschool mamas have been amazing at picking up Magdalena and taking her to the library two Fridays in a row, taking her to homeschool (because homeschool is not at my house, funny, right?) because I cannot take two sneezing snotting hacking feverish toddlers anywhere, not to mention that this mama is exhibiting those very same symptoms. Begone sickness! Maybe that will do the trick. I'll let you know.

the big seven-oh and a cruise to boot

best friends; Lien and my mama


the kids rocking the big chess set

the obligatory gorgeous beach shot in the Bahamas

the family cruise shot, sans Anthony and Suzanne

and, of course, Augustus in his off-the-hook style

So my mama, the Matriarch of our family, abuela to the babies, celebrated her 70th journey around the sun with a family cruise. The cruise was interesting, great food, super fun stuff for Magdalena, gorgeous scenery. But the main attraction was being with our family with no calls to make, no errands to run, no dishes to do, no beds to make, for four glorious days and nights.

We hung out on the Lido deck forever, had poolside drink deliveries, basked in the Caribbean sun, went on family excursions, ate breakfast, lunch and dinner in restaurants every day, got room service, jet skied, glass-bottom-boated, and had a fabulous time all-around.

Did I mention that I decided to go sugar-free about a week before the cruise? And that you can basically eat dessert 24/7 on a cruise? And that every night there are these delicious looking chocolates for your eating pleasure awaiting on the pillow? And that the desserts served at dinner were gourmet, chocolate and insanely decadent and obviously divine, given the utterances of those eating them? No, I guess I hadn't mentioned that. Sigh. My timing is just plain goofy. But, here I am, about a month in to sugar-free and still going. I guess we'll see how it all unfolds.

pre-k as you like it

the fantastic carousel at the Jacksonville Zoo on our regular Tuesday field trip

first snack of the outing

spontaneous kid connection

two little blackbirds with Ally, Magdalena and Frida

Pre-school. Did we know it could be such fun? I wanted to be a part of a homeschool preschool co-op, so I called out to the universe, started a yahoo group called Love the Earth Homeschool Preschool, and the universe answered as it does, with abundance.

I, of course, did not "create" the co-op, it came together with little resistence and much love. Mondays are our regular school day, Tuesdays are our field trip day, and Fridays are at the Downtown Main Library with Mr. Keith, the oh-so-fabulous story-teller and Miss Marie, our darling, patient and infinitely creative family art teacher.

We learn, we grow, we create, we share, we love. Shaa-zam!

whirlwind life and love

family Christmas

a fabulous visit from Kami and Jess

Christmas on the beach and Aunt Nancy gettin' jiggy


our Three Kings


in procession

and singing along

On Christmas Eve in the kitchen Jeanna said "This is our one day". As in "One day, we'll have kids and live in the same city and we'll raise our families together and celebrate life together, one day" Our "one day" is here and now and our life is good and wonderful and precious. Our family came down in waves from Georgia and it was glorious. We played on the beach, we ate, we laughed, we told stories, we remembered to love and honor each other.

Leading up to the holidays, there were many conversations on the spirit of Christmas, the reason for the season, Advent, the birth of Christ, the Star of Bethlehem, the shepherds, Mary and that long march, no room at the inn, Joseph, and the Wise Men. We've never emphasised or really even talked about Santa Claus, the American icon who knows if you've been naughty or nice, he never really fit in our idea of Christmas, so this year when Magdalena, who is such the savvy four-year-old, started asking questions, we needed some answers. So we explored St. Nicholas and his rich history, who he was and what he did and how the big round guy with the red suite and white beard and hair is here to remind us of St Nicholas, and how Santa Claus carries on the idea of the tradition of St Nicholas with gift-giving.

It typically went like this:

Magdalena: So Santa Claus is dead?

me: No.... he's not dead, because he's a representation of St Nicholas.

M: So St Nicholas is dead?

me: Yes.

M: So he's like Jesus, he died and now he's alive again because he's Santa Claus.

me: No..., that's not really how it works.

(pause. thinking thinking thinking. "Here comes Santa Claus" comes on the radio while we're driving)

M: Mama, the guy whose singing this song doesn't know that Santa Claus is dead!

I just told all my mom friends, listen, you might not want to bring the whole Santa thing up if you're doing the myth with your kids. A few of my mom buddies looked at me as if I were completely batty and didn't understand what in heaven's name I was doing. Just trying to insert a bit of meaning into the whole thing, ya know, don't really want to build up a non-existent figure into something important only to have the reality of "Santa's not real" rip the foundation of trust I've established with my kids out from underneath them, I guess we're just communists anyway. Sigh.

We closed the Christmas season with a celebration of the Epiphany, the arrival of the Three Wise Men/Kings to bring gifts and honor the Christchild. Magdalena, Augustus and Frida with scarves for headdress, processed into my mom's from the beach and carried boxes representing the gifts of the Magi, gold, frankincense, and myrrh. There was a lighted star above a small manger with Sunflower, Magdalena's baby doll, in the roll of the Baby Jesus, while we sang "We Three Kings of Orient". It was surprisingly perfect. As it should be.

first time feast

I know, it's not people. It's totally carnivorous food. I couldn't resist - it was my first crown roast, my first big festive thing-I've-never-tried before that wasn't a cake or dessert, and it was gorgeous and awesome. We ate Christmas Eve dinner at my sister Jeanna's house, it was a small family celebration (some local family were out of town and our out-of-town guests had yet to arrive) and it was lovely. Crown pork roast with a wild mushroom stuffing and a glazed pear and kumquat garnish a la the holiday issue of Martha Stewart magazine. Now, that is something I never saw coming, me getting excited about Martha. Who knew?

a lovely holiday of Thanks and more

Augustus, sand and sky

giving thanks, Florida style
extended family for Thanksgiving

Augustus and Uncle Neil in motion

Magdalena, an orange and sunlight

Magdalena helping Ethan clear a fence line

Thanksgiving was a glorious family celebration this year. Neil and Tammy came in from the panhandle and Tim, Dave's brother, came in from Texas. We are thankful for so much, so many blessings, so much love, so much abundance. I was at the commissary, shopping the Sunday before Thanksgiving, and I asked someone working in the refrigerator behind the dairy section if there was more cream. While she went to look it struck me, if this is the worst inconvenience I have, waiting for somebody to find heavy whipping cream, then all is well. I thought, I've never waited in a bread line, never lived through food rationing, never lived in fear of shrapnel. I've also never had these particular thoughts before on Thanksgiving, I guess it's a sign of the times. But that one little pause, waiting, with about five other folks, gave me the opportunity to be even more thankful than I was. I ended up grateful that, when there was no more cream, all I had to do was stop by Publix on the way home. Easy.

Halloween, a birthday kitchen and dancing at Heming Plaza

all the woodland creatures plus a kabuki grandmama
the fairy and the elf
loving the merry-go-round
putting together the birthday kitchen with the birthday boy in his birthday suit
cooking in his birthday suit

Halloween was a wild three time event as well it should be. First, Spooktacular at the Jacksonville Zoo with Tita Jeanna, Little Frida, Magdalena and me as assorted fairies, woodnymphs, sprites and pixies, Augustus the elf, and Abuela the Kabuki character, followed by actual Halloween with Tito Chuchi and Aunt Su-su out at the beach with the best candy I have ever seen, then we wrapped it up Friday at the Library with all the other regular library kids and then a visit to Heming Plaza to show off the babies in full regalia and dance, of course.

Jeanna was dreamy and glowing before the zoo Spooktacular and Halloween. She has been dreaming of all of us together for so long and there we were, Sunday before Halloween, hot gluing up a storm, doing costumes, covered in glitter I mean fairy/pixie dust, having a spontaneously huge family day and event and our kids together like three peas in a pod.

We have become quite the regular members of the Friday afternoon community at Heming Plaza downtown across the street from the library. We go after the library for real city living and there are vendors and folks hanging out and music. We have kettle corn and the most delicious crab cakes and visit Renee at her Farmer's Market. Life is good and rich and full of love and yummy treats, whether the treats are ripe peaches or Halloween candy or dancing to loud synthesizer music in the plaza outside under the blue blue sky, it's all good.

birthday, congo, some chickens and dancing

Magdalena's photography debut

2 year old beautiful birthday boy

help with candles from the experienced four-year-old

following Tito Chuchi and Abuelo's well beaten musical path

city mouse

a very silly visit with Uncle William

Magdalena's inspired style

When I fall asleep at the proverbial blogging wheel, I have so many images so many anecdotes so much to write that it's overkill. Oh well.

Augustus is 2. He's divine and delicious and delirious and devilish. He's our whirling dervish of love and mischief. He looks at me out of the corner of his eye, sly grin spreading, and bursts into some forbidden action, his determination to be the master of his own destiny exploding out of that tiny perfect big boy toddler body.

Our birthday picnic at the park by the river, a la Tita Jeanna and her floating fluttering balloons and streamers, was a mad success with cake and presents and the single most fabulous ever-lasting game of hide and seek ever played. Dave is the master at hiding in plain sight, Abuela is so tiny she hid behind a sapling, Ethan is the hardest to find, and Jeanna's billowing cigar smoke ratted her out every time. The babies were shoeless and could never wait to be found, screaming out of their hiding places before the seeker was even done counting.

Jeanna, Frida, Magdalena, Augustus and I took a trip out to our friends Manny and Yvonne's rural wonderland to commune with truly free chickens and roosters, guinea hens, turtles galore and a lizard or two and it was such a trip! The kids were mesmerized by the chickens and those crazy red Long Island Red Roosters. Feeding the chickens, being outside the city, taking home small perfect brown eggs, a perfect day for the city mice to brush up on our country mouse aspirations.

We had a lovely visit from Uncle William, in town from Amsterdam to meet his new niece and of course get some Barnas love. Magdalena experimented with various tattoo techniques, perfecting the old little girl effect.

The Houstons have us over for random lovely family dinners, where we eat, play and dance to our hearts content. Magdalena asks to "close the evening with a last dance" before we leave. Who are we to refuse to close the evening with a dance?

And finally, there is just perfect little girl style. We were going for a walk around the neighborhood and Magdalena needed to be properly attired. She has Sunflower, her baby doll, in the pouch/scarf around her waist, a purse for collecting found treasures, and a plastic golf club head for whacking small hard objects. Pure joy.

DNA, butterfly eggs and my rock 'n roll babies

My rock 'n roll babies all ready for their first show with Aunt Tammy and Uncle Neil

Hanging out on Maco, Tita and Frida's porch

lounging lizard and butterfly eggs

Augustus, Ethan, Magdalena and Grandma Fran

"I baking"

We have been Busy. Family visiting, family visiting, party all the time party all the time. Who does laundry? Oh that's right, that's my AOR, I guess I forgot.

(drum roll) The News: it's official, Tommy from Berlin Germany is my father's son, brother to my brother, brother to my sister, and brother to me. The results are in and my daddy was a busy man back there in Germany all those years ago and we are a DNA match. Tommy found his father and his father's family welcomes him like the brother he is. Whew. And that's all I have to say about that. But also that we knew. We knew the minute we met him. You just know, ya know?

So it appears that maybe there was some brain damage after all... I had the brilliant idea of the whole family, you know, including my almost two year old and my four year old, going to a live music club to watch Tito Chuchi aka Anthony my brother play congas with a band he sits in with. Yeah, that is a brilliant idea! It'll be so perfectly toddler and kid appropriate. You'd never know from my lack of preparation and normal parenting caution that I ever worked in a rock 'n roll club. I had my babies, in a bar. A very loud, dark with flashing stage lights bar with very very did I say Very loud music bar. And even after I stuffed their little ears full of bar naps Augustus would not unbury his body from my neck and shoulder, even after I repeatedly prompted him to "go see Tito Chuchi? go see Tito Chuchi? Look buddy, he plays the drums, the congas! Go see Tito Chuchi?" He said nnnooooaaaauuu over and over. After paying $10 for Magdalena to get in, because my four year old is a minor - the baby got in free - we left in less than 5 minutes. Did I mention, however, that both my kids were rock 'n roll fabulous?

We had two wonderful family visits, first from Grandma Fran and Grandpa John. There was swimming and beach combing and feasts and love and projects all around. The next visit was from Uncle Neil and Aunt Tammy. They arrived the night of the Big Show and on the way Tammy inquired, so are there ear plugs for the kids? And then again, walking to the show at 11:30PM, so, do you have ear plugs? Her questions fell on deaf ears, ears attached to a head with a brain imagining some kind of groovy MTV unplugged version of a jam band, candles acoustic guitars and all, so who needs ear protection?

Sunday was the birthday party bonanza, with a two-year-old buddy's birthday and then on to mom's house for Aunt Su-su's birthday party for which we baked our oh-so-yummy buttermilk cake. And for which Augustus had his own plans, baking his own cake! The birthday parties were lovely, Suzanne's ribs were divine, the children were crazy, and we came home and crashed.

We wrapped up our busy 2 weeks with a visit to Kathryn's house and a little National Geographic of our own. Kathryn's yard was alive with lizards and her milkweed was full of butterfly eggs, so you must know that we will be planting some milkweed and butterfly bush coming soon for a butterfly world of our own.

Now on to our not so busy regular rest of the week and mountain of laundry that was clean at some point but now must be re-washed because as it sat so patiently in baskets in our leaky addition waiting to be folded it got damp and musty. So is goes here at Casa Rosita, our little dusty rose pink house of love and green green green lush life.

our precious Isabel

Isabel holding Augustus, May '06

Our precious Isabel. Those were the opening words my mom wrote for Isabel's obituary. We had finally figured out a name for Magdalena to call her, Tata Tita, a sweet great-auntie, we'd call her. As mama abuela, my mom, explained to Magdalena, she's gone home to Heaven.

Isabel died at 3:10am, Saturday, September 15. She was 90 glorious years old. She had flawless skin. She had trouble with her knees and hips. We have a fabulous photo of her when she was a dancer. She was my Nana Lydia's best friend. She was devoted to our family, her adopted family. She adored our babies. She could be very cantankerous. She was the last of the Puerto Ricanas. She made daddy's favorite red beans in the whole world. She always had ice cream for Magdalena.

Long live Tata Tita, our precious Isabel.

veni, vidi, vici and ice cream

fine family dinner at fabulous Cap's on the intercoastal

but does he like it? (yes, but this is his pensive Augustus look)

Frida does not give up her cone for anybody

wet fountain feet

Magdalena and I play with Augustus while we shampoo his hair and it is hilarious

more ice cream as big as one's head

We spent one afternoon with my German brother Tommy* and my German sister-in-law Ilona hanging out in San Marco Square, in the neighborhood I grew up in, eating ice cream and playing in the fountain. A more idyllic day could not have been planned. We had quite a few meet and greets and dinner parties to introduce Tommy to the world. I've explained him to Miss Marie, the art librarian who host's family art time at the main library, I've explained him to my book study/club, I've explained him to random people I ran into in the Publix parking lot. Everybody is so warm and accepting.

But you know, Tommy must know. He must have proof. On his last day in Jacksonville, he and my brother went to have DNA testing done. Why do that? We love him, he's beautiful, I'm vested in my new long-lost brother. Why chance fate? But like I said he must know, he says he knows yes in his heart but for all the doubters for that tiny sliver of doubt that exists in us all, whether we care or not, he must know.

And today they left, my mom's house is quiet again. I don't have to go somewhere every day or have dinner with my extended family and guests every night. We miss them already, my brother Tommy from Berlin, Germany and sweet Ilona who makes a to die for salad dressing. And the results will come in and the mystery will be over and Tommy will have peace in his heart. Because his mother told him his father was Fernando Storch, and so he is.

*see earlier post

meet Tommy from Berlin Germany

Introducing Tommy from Berlin, Germany with his sisters Connor and Jeanna and brother Anthony

Tommy, Ilona, Frida and Magdalena at Family Art Time

Magdalena and Augustus with Tito Chuchi and Uncle Tommy

So really I don't even know where to begin. Meet Tommy, our brother. As in long lost brother that we didn't know we had. We didn't meet him until August 25th, 2007, but he's been around and looking for us a lot longer than that. He's daddy's son from his German girlfriend from his army stay before he met my mom. He's beautiful and funny and kind and his wife, my sister-in-law, Ilona is beautiful and wonderful and kind also. Daddy would have fallen in love with him, love at first sight. The first time I spoke to Tommy on the phone he said yes, hello, this is Tommy from Berlin Germany. As if he were just one of many Tommys I happened to be speaking to long distance from Germany.

What else can I say about it? Magdalena, Augustus and Frida adore them. We adore them. It is tragic beyond all measure that Tommy found us 3 years after daddy died. It's just all so fraught with emotion and joy and a terrible terrible sadness. Daddy would have loved him. My son, he'd say, my son from Germany. He's a cop in Berlin, you know, my dad would say, taking credit for Tommy's life and beauty and success as if he was responsible for it all. In a way, he was.