Soul Expanding Life and Loose Ends Flying

Transformation, a holiday or two, and why I think it's all so great

2011-12-05T14:37:00.001-05:00

A few weeks ago I posted about Transformation. I debated asking some influential/important/incredible women in my life about how to go about effecting the change that is "transformation". I thought, I pondered, I wondered, I asked myself and ultimately, although I know how important guidance is, I feel like I have - at this moment - enough information to begin. I have been blessed and given ample instruction on starting where I am and what needs to be in place to effect true transformation, it all begins with me, and it's an inside job, holmes (an often used quote by a dear old friend from Albuquerque. I cannot say the phrase "it's an inside job" without hearing Adan's voice, and it was always followed by "holmes")

That being said, I also know it is a process. Deliberate, painstaking at times, tortuous in pace, but it is a process that is going to take time. So during this time, I'll continue to be present in life as it is, celebrate life exactly as it is, in it's inherent perfect imperfection, and sneak in a "transformation" post, and a Nica post, where I can.

We celebrated the Feast of Thanksgiving in true Storch/Barnas/Houston style at Abuela's casa, bittersweet because it is probably our last holiday season at La Playa, mama is selling the condo and getting ready to begin the next phase of her life, hopefully living at Pablo Towers, and enjoying walking distance to St. Pauls, Publix, and of course, her beloved beach.

Here we are, I'm attempting my first gluten/soy/dairy/corn/potato free pie crust and Abuela is chopping veggies, preparing our feast. The pie crust was a relative success, I'm sure I'll get better as time passes.

Frida, Magdalena, and Augustus romping at the beach.

Flying kites with Maco aka David.

A visit from our dear friend Lien, who is one of the kindest and most generous people I know, and we give thanks for her often, probably not often enough though.

Two of the men, maxin and relaxin after the outside play with the littles.

Thanksgiving has such profound significance for me personally, as well as for us as a family, community, nation. Every day that I get to walk around healthy with all my working parts is a miracle. Each day that I live, breathe, think and feel is gravy, baby, icing on the cake. 16 years ago I began the journey of becoming the woman that I am still aspiring to become, and where it not for a radical 180 in my life and behaviors, I wouldn't be here today, at least, not in this incarnation. So I personally find bliss in being thankful for this life I get to live. And then on top of that, well, the blessings are exponential.

I know how lucky I am to be a part of a family that seeks each other out to hang out with, to be with, to celebrate with, to chat with, to bear the absurdities of life with, to have fun with, to laugh with, to grieve with. Not that we are unique, but we are special, and we have such love for each other that our gravitational pull is irresistible and I know all families do not share in the mutual admiration society club that is our family.

I appreciate and acknowledge how blessed I am to be a part of a larger community of families - families that practice loving and respectful parenting, families that homeschool, Catholice families that do both! Who knew?

And finally, especially after my latest sojourn to another country, I appreciate and understand the truly privileged nature of what it means to "be an American". I can go to the store, wait, let me back up. I can wake up in my oh-so-comfy-yummy-featherbed-topped-bed that is inside a house with four solid walls, not to mention walk the 15 steps from the side of my bed to our bathroom and use the bathroom, get dressed, walk out the front door of an awesome house that my fabulous husband bought for us to our car that is in pretty darn good shape, and then drive to the store and buy whatever food it is that I care to buy from an astonishing array of food, products, and beverages and then go home to my sweet safe secure comfy abode that shelters our family and cook what I want and then share in all that bounty with my family. Not every family, in every part of the world gets to participate in that luxurious of a lifestyle, and I know not by a long-shot. Yes, I know there is profound poverty in the good ol' U.S. of A., but there is also abundance, and I do not take infrastructure or inside plumbing for granted, not lately at least.

This past Sunday we began the Christmas celebrating and decorating here at Casa Naranja, with Tito Chuchi, Abuela, Tita and Frida in attendance to help put it all together. Below is a snapshot of our day: the bowls of shells that are on the table since Nica, the Christmas flowers from Tito Chuch, the small arrangement of picked flowers from Gustie, shushi to snack on while awaiting the steaming yummy Chicken and Dumplings - gluten/dairy/soy/potato/corn free, of course - and the cranberries for stringing.

Let the decorating begin! Saturday night, Ethan, M & A went out to find the perfect tree, and find the perfect tree they did! It is huge and glorious, full, round, and lush. We love it.

And the stringing of the cranberries, it must be done! I have to say that this is one of my favorite new traditions. We never did cranberries growing up, and once we discovered it as a family, now we do it every year, and love the process, the outcome, and the making of a tradition.

Speaking of tradition, a funny thing happened on the way to the holiday this year. I woke up to something that has been brewing over the last few years. I snapped to the fact that oh, wait a sec, decorating isn't at all about "me" and getting it done anymore, is it? The children were chomping at the bit to get the big Christmas box down. They are both old enough to have years of accumulated memories about Christmas, about different ornaments they get every year, about garlands and where they go - as in where we put them in our old house on Gable, and where we put them here in our new house, about the lights and Advent and about our book on St. Nicholas, about presents under the tree, Santa Claus and Christmas classics. It just gets richer. Life just keeps changing that way with the children, it just keeps getting better. Do we have rough moments and serious challenges? Oh heck yes we do! Am I a totally-together-always-does-it-right parent? Oh heck no, I have my own serious challenges! But it is so rich, life is so dear, and we are, ultimately, blessed beyond my wildest dreams. And as Martha would say, that's a good thing.

xo life, we love you.

Release the Hounds

2011-11-17T00:30:00.000-05:00

Nicaragua bound, Jaya, Magdalena, Sage, Augustus, and Anna. Five beautiful children, at the beginning of a five week journey to Nicaragua and into ourselves. Let me explain. My dearest darlingest friend, Kimberly Waugh - you can check her out here, and if you just want pure juice, check out her school in action here, was offered a 30 day intensive yoga teacher training gig in paradise. Why yes, I did say paradise. Paradise with a paradox, more on that later. Anyhoo, she has three glorious children (los rubios), and one Sol baby, and we were talking about her childcare options and I remember commenting, something like, wow Kimberly, what a gift! What an opportunity! I wonder how I'll ever put something like that together for my children, you must go! The gears turned, she crunched numbers, and offered a 30 day intensive family gig for me and my two children and It.Was.On., like donkey kong.

Jaya, Magdalena (holding Maya), Sage, Augustus (holding Gus-gus), Anna

4am-ish, the morning of Thursday October 5, 2011

The elevated train! Orlando Airport.

When was the last time you saw four American children, on their knees, all lined up looking out the back window of a van? Not in carseats? Better than a rollercoaster baby. Welcome to Managua!

Day 1, Magdalena, Kimberly and Sol, and Jaya ready to walk to the pulperia (the corner store. with dirt floors.)

Have hats, will walk in scorching sun.

Senior Donald and Marlon, our caretaker - literally - and our gardener

The view from the back porch - looking out over the lush green lawn that Marlon cuts with a machete. Yes I did say that Marlon cuts with a machete. With. A. Machete. The man works for the money. Our lovely cabana with the hammocks that ultimately came down because of too many head injuries on too many children. Our lovely little pool, enjoy it while it lasts! And past the fence, the vast Pacific. Let nuestra Vida Nica commence.

Post-dated post

2011-11-15T08:43:00.001-05:00

(I found this unfinished post in my draft folder, written last February when I was trying to blog regularly again. It stands.)

One day recently my mom stops by my house and comes in and says something along the lines of 'oh, you're all wet" and I say "I'm HOT" and my son Augustus who is five years old explains "She means sweaty hot Abuela, not sexy hot." (pronounced "saxy")

I'm sorry, what did you just say? Seriously, what? WTF mate. Not so recently, one day when I was talking to my dear friend Jessica whose family is not as media-centric as ours is asked me, after I explained to her that our current favorite song was Kanye West's "Golddigger" because it has a seriously bad-to-the-bone beat and crazy good samples, asked me if I thought my at times unadulterated exposure of musical media was going to bite me in the ass. Consider myself bitten.

In my own defense, or maybe I should say I have no defense because I don't think Augustus learned "hot" from the media, I think he got that from me. I think my husband is hot. Super hot. And I like to tell him so. And I have been known to ogle, more women than men, but that's only because I happen to think women are pretty spectacular as far as beauty goes. Hhmmmm...no wonder where my son gets it.

Anyway, my point is this, I have dropped the ball by my own standards of protecting my children's innocence and exposed them to far more media/screen time than I thought I would. Which happens to be considerably less than the average family, but I'm not ascribing to "average". I'll take eccentric, weird, odd, different any day.

Transformation.

2011-11-15T01:45:00.001-05:00

Transformation. It just rolls off the tongue, doesn't it? Transformation. Nice to say. Roll it around a few times...mmmm...trrrrraaaannnnsssssforrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmaaaaaaaaassshhhhhuuuuuunnnnnnnnn.
Now, if I write it beautifully, on unlined artisan rice paper, and sleep on it, the question is, will I transform? Will - through the power of wishful thinking and osmosis - I transform?

That is a question for the ages. And tonight, we test it.

At least I know I can transform the form of my blog, my sweet post fb neglected blog. Ah sweet blog, let's transform juntos.*

*Juntos is Spanish for "together", a little hint at what is soon to follow. A little bit of together, a little bit of Spanish language reinvigorated after a stay in a Spanish speaking country, and a lot 'a bit of transformation. Ahhhh...there it is again. Transformation. Such a good word.

2011-02-13T16:38:00.001-05:00

2011-02-13T16:37:00.001-05:00

2011-02-13T16:36:00.001-05:00

One fine day

2011-02-07T12:58:00.002-05:00

This is what my dining room table looks like right now:

Cake from last night's belated cake celebration for my mama, a.k.a. Abuela, because as far as Augustus is concerned, a birthday is not complete without homemade cake and the appropriate number of candles, which last night meant 73. Thank heavens we found those looooong sparkler candles that burn a really. long. time. It takes a minute to light 73 candles!

A gorgeous lily brought over by Amanda last Thursday for our HAP East Gardening/Seedling day that was for dissection (yes, we were going to sacrifice the lily in the name of earth science) to find the seeds inside, the stamen, the pollen and what not that we never got to because between the making of ladybug catchers and the excitement of dirt/pots/seeds/popsicle stick labels there was no time or energy left over for the sacrificial lily, so she stands tall as a gorgeous part of our table.

A random striped sock that Augustus wants to wear but he cannot find the mate.

Uneaten cornbread that I made to go with the ribs Ethan smoked yesterday for ya know, Super Bowl Sunday, that no one ate because I was talking on the phone while making it and managed to put a TBS of baking soda in instead of a tsp. Sigh, it was gross. And I was so disappointed because cornbread is one of my favorite luxuries in life.

My gorgeous ceramic lion butter dish that you can't really see b/c it is to the left of the cake dish.

Bottled bbq sauce for the ribs my man smoked.

Empty orange bamboo bowl that formerly had chips.

Used blue gingham cloth napkins, courtesy of my MIL, she even monogrammed them. We love them.

Nature's Gate Colloidal pump lotion (I've heard Nature's Gate is "false" green/organic, but I still like it!)

Random piece of green felt.

That table is a snapshot of my life. The fabulous, the delicious, the mistakes, the random, the unfinished, the celebratory, the pseudo, the pretentious (and delightfully so!), the sacred masking as the mundane, the authentic, the mess.

Today as I meandered around on fb I ran across this this, a self-revelatory and funny post on the blog Write With Spike that is a review of the book Poser: My Life In Twenty-Three Yoga Poses, and a bit of a scathing review at that. Spike jumps in the fray over the real/media generated "mommy wars"; the SAHM (stay-at-home-moms for the uninitiated) and the FTWM (full time working moms). I'm torn between my natural curiosity and rubber-necking humanity to join in and my what-people-think-of-me-is-none-of-my-business/I don't have time for this foolishness sensibilities. But what informs most my reticence is that to me it feels all wrong, the real "war" isn't between mamas, it is within the mamas. Isn't that what parenthood is all about? Each decision we make is a decision to make the best choice given the information we have. Whether it's a financial decision or a personal preference, each mama must decide what will work best for her and her family.

I'll use my sister as an example. She could stay home with her daughter Frida full time if she was passionately disposed to. Her family would definitely make some different financial choices and money would be tight, but theoretically yes they could do it. But Jeanna doesn't want to do it. When Frida was a newborn, staying home drove Jeanna crazy (I'd say literally, she suffered from post-partum psychosis) and she couldn't wait to get out and about and then back to work. She struggled mightily with this decision because I think she thought she should be a stay-at-home mom, especially with me - SAHM extraordinaire, constantly extolling the glory of never leaving the house and proclaiming that frumpy is the new black (a different post altogether) for a sister.

But Jeanna - who has a MA in Psych - understood that if the mama ain't happy, ain't nooooobody happy, and did what works best for her and her family, she works. She just so happens to work from 3pm-11pm, so she has the days with her daughter and weekends are sacrosanct family time. For the first 10 months of Frida's life, between Jeanna and her dh Dave, Frida was always with a parent. Then at 10 months Frida started staying with us for between 20-35 hours a week, and has been ever since. We all benefit, as far as I can see. Frida gets to have extended family time every week w/her cousins and auntie (me), Jeanna gets to work a challenging and fulfilling job that she happens to love, their family has the benefit of a two income household, and I make a little mad money on the side.

I'm an AP parent, a leader of a local API group, a homeschooling mama and I have a specific philosophy that informs my parenting choices, so does that mean I condemn my sister for not being a SAHM? Do I believe that I am making a better decision? Oh hellllllllll no, I do not. I couldn't do what she is doing, she couldn't do what I am doing, and be happy and joyful and grateful for what we have. Let me say also that we are a one income family with a blue-collar bread winner, please do not assume I have the "luxury" of staying home because we make a certain amount of money, we don't ;) We do make decisions that support our life as it is, well, uhh, most of the time we do. Ahem. As long as I can stay home, I will. As long as it benefits our family, I'll do it. Were our life circumstances to change, I would adjust accordingly, but for now, this arrangement not only fits our family, it is the life that my wildest dreams are made of and I love love love it!

I read once that women with degrees, not just advanced degrees but even women with BA's, are doing the "feminist movement" a disservice by staying home and raising their children. That we need to be out in the work force, promoting women's working values and rights. I didn't sign up for that. I signed up for the women's movement being about freedom of choice, on every level. I also signed up for a unified women's movement, one that supports each and every woman's right to be the best mama she can be, however that looks. I am so uninterested in the depiction of "competimom's" or the idea that mommy and me playdates are all about what brand of stroller you have, who took your baby pictures, whether or not you cloth diaper, how "crunchy" you really are, or if you are hip enough.

Do I hang out mostly with moms who have a similar mind-set as me? Why yes I do, thank you very much. Do I care if you cloth diaper? Only if you want to and I can give you some of my old Chinese pre-folds, truth be known. Do I condemn the working mama? Absolutely not. Do I idealize staying at home? Are you kidding me? I live it, there's no idealization happening on this end, it's all stone cold reality. Do I look longingly at Jeanna who is always so well put together, going off to her professional job? Only because she is so well put together, I could take a page out of her book, if you know what I mean.

I know SAHMs, I know WAHMs, I know FTWMs, PTWMs; I know FTWMs who arrange their schedule so that they, with the help of their partner, homeschool their children. I know mom's who look at me and the feeling I get is that they think I am either a saint or a simpleton, because (in their words) Oh My Goodness but I could never do that! But really I know they just couldn't imagine doing it because it is not where their passion lies. I must confess that I look at FTWMs and think the same thing, I could Never Do That. I would loose my mind! Probably not, but I would miss out on my passion, which happens to be staying home (or as Ethan says, never staying home) with my family, homeschooling, AP leading, adventuring, and creating. As Martha would say, it's a good thing.

Other half

2011-02-03T19:18:00.001-05:00

1/2 the crew

2011-02-03T19:16:00.001-05:00

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Celebrating Abuela

2011-02-03T19:15:00.001-05:00

A day at the zoo or ape heaven

2011-01-27T12:53:00.001-05:00

We went to the zoo today with our friend and mama of twins Lisa. It was just Magdalena, Augustus and I with Lisa and her boys in the stroller. Usually, we're a group going, ya know, at least one other family often two or three, so today felt like a luxury.

Magdalena and Augustus were together. Playing. With each other. I know I know, there brother and sister right? They play together all the time, right? Well...sometimes yes but I realized we've never been to the zoo as just us. Just the Barnas family and there was something so lovely so sweet so basic about M & A playing together. At the zoo.

Lisa had not yet arrived when we got there so we went on in by ourselves. It seemed so...peaceful, so easy. We wandered in and Magdalena led the way because since we do always go with other families, I never pay attention to where we're going and really have no idea how to get around the zoo with all it's paths and continents. Magdalena wanted to go Straight To The Playground. But first let's stop and take our picture in the photo booth! (never done that before!) Next, On to the Playground! But let's stop and play on the apes! Next, On to the Playground! Oh! There's the lion, so close, right there! He's sooo beautiful! OK, now, On to the Playground! Oh wait, the elephant sculptures! We must climb those! Mama, mama, take a picture and post it to fb and call it Magdalena and Augustus in Africa! Done.

Now, On To The Playground! (ring ring)

Now, off to meet Lisa and the boys at the entrance!

Anyhoo, it was a beautiful day. We played, we saw a few animals, had a lovely lunch with the Jaguars, played at the playground (finally) and rode the carousel.

It was a special day with my crew, and yes I do believe we will be doing that again one day in the near future.

Tea with the Queen

2011-01-23T20:40:00.000-05:00

Today I had tea with the Queen. Which Queen you ask? Oh, Queen Magdalena doncha know.

I'll start from the beginning, of the day that is. The faucet on our kitchen sink is A.) hideous B.) backwards. Yes, backwards. One must push the hot/cold handles back for water. And finally, C.) is leaking horribly and cannot be repaired, thank heavens. So my hard working man who has worked for a month straight and this was his first weekend off picked up a job yesterday, I said to him I said, Honey, can we spend some time together as a family tomorrow? M & A were pretty bummed when we woke up and you were gone. They know it's Saturday and that you do not have the guard and that you were supposed to be home, so can we, hunh, can we please? He said yes. Then the phone rang this morning and he said, I'll just be gone a little while. Sad faces all around. This won't take long, how about after I get home we all go to the hardware store for a new faucet and then out to lunch? Happy faces all around.

His job was short, our trip to Lowes was fine. I said I'd like this, this or this. And while he checked out the different faucets that met the mama's criteria, M & A & I wandered around the kitchen area fantasizing about our one day kitchen: our one day five burner stove, our one day dishwasher (Nora, I remember your words: It changed my quality of life), our one day two drawer oven, our one day HE front loader, our one day tile backsplash, well, you get the picture. It was fun. There is one thing that is a now kitchen and that is gorgeous pulls from Anthropologie and other fabulous places, not a hardware store.

I digress. After we bought the new and quite perfect faucet and dish soap to go in the soap dispenser (YAY! no more dish soap container on my counter top!) we headed out to Mojo for b-b-q and we had a really yummy lunch. Then home for coffee and hang out time whilst my man worked some more, but this time for free b/c of course it was here for us. After a bit Magdalena says to me, Mama, could you please try not to be loud? Augustus and I are going to take a nap. Nice I think. Naps are nice. Then she wanted some appropriate soft music, turned on Pandora and said mama there is nothing that is the right mood. Of course there is say I! Let's try classical. We try choral...too Christmasy she says. Then I go for orchestral. She says what's that? I say ya know, Bach, Tchaicosky...she says Vivaldi?! I say yes. M and A listen to these amazing cd's that are stories of composers lives and music and they are riveting, and yes I listen to them b/c of course I have to and they are really really well done. Very entertaining and they do exactly what they are supposed to do. Expose my children to great classical, baroque, whatever music and have them fall in love with it. (We also have been watching the Habenera from Bizet's Carmen on youtube, that is their favorite piece right now. It's a bit hard to explain that the gorgeous Carmen is a "bad girl", but Augustus gets it intuitively. She's really beautiful, he says. And she's mean. Exactly!)

Oh forgive me I digress again! Such is my nature I do believe. Anyhoo, so the classical music is playing and Magdalena is snuggled on the couch under a down throw, Augustus is in his room snuggled under his quilt, Ethan is in the kitchen working, I'm doing the endless laundry when Magdalena says Maaaamaaaaa...would you please make me some chai tea? And then come and sit with me and have tea? And I say oh Magdalena, I can't, I have so much laundry and... oh well of course I'll sit and have tea with you! (see how I say no? see why my laundry is never done? I thought, as I walked into the bedroom to put down yet another load of not-folded laundry, what am I going to remember in five years? The laundry that I did or having tea with my daughter in the dim light of her down-time nap?)

Classical music played while I danced my way into the living room with the little blue cafe table and matching chairs for Augustus and I, Magdalena would stay on the couch. I put down a lavender tule with white stars table cloth, made a lovely pot of chai tea with warm milk and honey, and danced my way into the living room to serve. Once there, Magdalena proclaimed her royal-ness and that she was Queen Magdalena and that I was her servant. Fine by me I thought, pretty close to real life but I'll play along. She spoke with a delightful British accent and when I answered her I barked out my best Cockney accent and she said no mama, you're not that kind of servant, you speak with a nice British accent. I was knitting on my forever knitting project, having tea with Queen Magdalena and Sir Augustus, and we had a whole discussion of aristocracy, the working class, the servent class etc and accents and countries and what it means to actually say "the sun never sets on the British empire" which led to an exploration of "imperialism" to which Magdalena replied "oh you mean like the Persians!" and then went on a meandering narrative about Cleopatra, Julius Caeser, the Roman Empire and the asp that bit Cleopatra from Magdalena.

Sigh. A perfect day. Days like this I think, why do I ever worry about "what if"? What if they're not learning? What if they don't learn the right things? What if I never really stick to a curriculum, whether it's one I bought or borrowed from the library? What if I fail? What if I fail them?

And then I remember that at the zoo party for Addie Magdalena was the only person in the room who knew "crepuscular", and one of the few that knew "diurnal". And then I spend the afternoon having tea with the Queen, getting schooled on Ancient History, what Tasmanian Devils really eat, and who's who with Caeser, Cleopatra, her ten year old brother that she married, and Marc Antony and then I remember how perfect this really is, and how blessed I am to have the family I have, with the husband I have, and the children I have.

Tea with the Queen was all I could have imagined, and more.

2011-01-14T12:12:00.001-05:00

What is it about children and kittens?

2011-01-14T12:10:00.001-05:00

Frida came in the kitchen and stood back as Lavender wove her way between my feet, watching. I bent down to pet the kitten and Frida said, in her delightful high, light & sing-song voice - can I pet her? We sat on the kitchen floor and I said of course. She picked up Lavender with her little girl skills, and walked away in absolute bliss. She was the perfect picture of childhood wonder and innocence, white pj's sprinkled with pink & blue flowers, trimmed in pink, clutching a freaked out kitten. Does it get more perfect?

Today

2011-01-13T23:49:00.003-05:00

Wow, it's been so long and fb has become such an easy way to spread the Clan Barnas propaganda that I have lost my blog groove. Those quick and easy posts from my BB are so easy, just like on fb, that well, I guess nothing.
I digress.
Today I spent the morning with some of the most fabulous families I could hope to know. Mamas, papas, little ones, infants, toddlers, big guys, babies in the bellies...and more love and kindness and good will that one knows what to do with! Oh do let me gush on, please.
Seven years ago around when Magdalena was four months old I co-founded an API group with four other mamas. (API you ask? Check it out here.) The group in Cruces was like a (not to be cheesy) warm green ocean of love and support for this brand-new-didn't-have-a-community-mama and I loved and still love all the families/mamas/children/midwives/doulas that I met and that sustained me in my wild and random ride of early motherhood.

Today I was at our regular second Tuesday of the month API meeting and there it was again, that warm green ocean of love and support. The listening, even over the din of children playing, babies cooing, Augustus demanding (noooooo!) and general parenting going on amongst 15 families with various numbers of children, 40-ish folks at least, the quality of listening is profound. Throughout the din, the parents are heard, and heard with love and respect and offered suggestions and solutions. Oh how I do cherish the community that is growing here, and thriving.
Like I said, do let me gush on. This is where we grow. This is where we thrive. This is where we learn to surrender expectations, to open our hearts and stretch them all out of proportion to allow more love in so we can let more love out, this is where I connect my heart to my brain to my instincts to my nature and learn to filter out the noise that says our children do not deserve our respect, and in turn, that we do not deserve theirs. This is where I see the evidence of the success of attachment style parenting. Listen, if something I'm doing as a parent doesn't work, it's not the fault of my child, nor necessarily my fault, but if it doesn't work, I am certainly not going to do it over and over and over, let alone try to enroll other families in a failing philosophy. The beauty of attachment parenting - besides the payoff of loving it! - is that it is effective parenting. It works! I respond well when I am respectfully asked to do something, not barked at. Big fat hairy surprise, it's the same for my children. Shocking, I know.
Oh how I could ramble and ramble and ramble on about the lovefest that is my family and my community, but if you don't know them or me, you probably won't believe me. And if you do know them or me, then you know.
All this to say that a 2 1/2 hour meeting and lunch at Costco (so random) turned out to be one of the loveliest days around, and I'll take that anytime.

Kitten perfection

2011-01-12T14:57:00.001-05:00

Did I mention we got kittens for Christmas? Oh that's right, how could I? I haven't posted since September. Meet Lavender & Yorick, our most precious additions to the family. Augustus held Yorick in his lap and petted him the first night we had them and had such a look of awe and wonder on his face. He said, mama, he is exactly the kitten I wanted. How did you find him?

Time to liven it up again.

2011-01-12T03:16:00.001-05:00

Yes, it has been for-cussing-ever (see Fantastic Mr.Fox) since I have posted but now, well, we're mobile. Prompted by a dear friend and devoted follower, ahem, I decided to actually get busy. Hello 2011, nice to meet you.

For Becki

2011-01-12T03:12:00.001-05:00

Words to live by

2010-09-07T02:34:00.000-04:00

So I started this all-encompassing post, oh...at least two weeks ago with tons of photos and I could not I mean Could Not get the photos in the order I wanted them. Either I am trying to force blogger to do things it cannot or I just cannot figure out how to gently force it to do what I want and I do not have the time/desire to learn so here I am. No photos, no 10,000 word entry covering the last six weeks or two months or however long it has been since I posted, just today.

Today is Labor Day. I don't count it being "tomorrow" until I have gone to bed and woken up, so today is still Labor Day. And guess what we did? This may come as a complete shock, but we went to the beach. For the whole day. And had a glorious time. And had an enormous delicious and fabulous family dinner whilst the early evening breeze blew off the perfectly green Atlantic Ocean and caressed our sunkissed cheeks.

Just past the breaks is Magdalena and my favorite place to hang out in the ocean, we've named all the waves according to how we should approach them, as in: "floater", a wide gentle swell that we barely have to move for, one that we gently float up with; "under" a huge wave that is about to break on our heads that will send us tumbling in frothy white bubbling sea foam with a possible abrasion from bouncing off the bottom if we do not dive under it; "over" a biggish wave that we can either jump off the bottom and clear or swim to the crest of just before it breaks; M - "under!" me - "over!" a wave that is about to crash on our heads that Magdalena doesn't think she can clear but I do that as I clear it I have to turn my head towards the shore so the crest doesn't smash me in the face but just makes my hair go all wonky. There are a few more, but I believe you get the picture.

The Degeneffes joined us on the beach today and they were a perfect compliment to the Storch/Houston/Barnas clan day. The children romped and played and daddy Joe aka Bobo aka Mr Degeneffe pulled the girls waaaaay out into the waves in Tita's two man blow up boat and would release them into the biggest waves he could wait for so they could ride the most amazing bucking bronco that is a crashing wave - screaming wildly laughing maniacally - to the shore, only to reload and go back for more. Jen joined Magdalena and I for some deep swimming and could not remember the last time she was able to swim so freely, not just in the shallows holding onto the hand of a giggling toddler.

Tito Chuchi had his fishing rig all set up and was out casting, water chest deep, curls a-flying trying to round up a bit of fresh sea fare. The Houston clan came out en masse, not a one missing, shining and sparkling as they are known to do. Jeanna a vision in her hot pink ruffles, face a mask of horror as she watched Joe let the boat go on huge waves, watching those poor innocent children have the ride of their lives...we all know, the daddies do it differently. And dropping words like jejune at dinner, (me) what does that mean? (Dave) puerile. Oh those Houstons! Those academics and brainiacs!

Dinner was a riot of stories and food, as it should be. There was even an official children's table tonight. Oh how I love a children's table. And sweet Abuela. At the table, Jeanna said, these are the good old days, referring to our Mother's noblesse oblige at always being the hostess with the mostess, and not just the oceanfront thing, just her momminess. Her fervor to serve, to loveliness, her humility. These are the good old days, and while I do believe we have a lifetime of them in front of us, I would not want to miss a second of honoring how truly special these days are. How incredibly blessed we are, how fortunate, how alive.

there have been some changes lately...

2010-07-25T01:34:00.000-04:00

Did I mention that we bought a house? No, really? Hunh, how strange, I thought had...oh yeah, I did just mention it in passing in that last post/rant, but now I'm announcing it:

WE, or rather, I should say, My Man, done bought us a house in the suburbs y'all, and it is the loveliest thing I have ever participated in. And that lovely comes from what is pictured below, a pool. And a tree. And not just any old tree now, but a Tree, capital T Tree. Big beautiful old and shady Live Oak Tree. The kind with a mountain of roots at the feet and a canopy large enough to keep our entire back yard in the shadiest of shade all throughout the long hot humid north Florida afternoons and shady enough to keep us all from getting roasted on a regular basis and shady enough to keep the water a refreshing mid-80 degrees. Oh sweet mystery of life, I have found you, again! And did I mention that our neighbor to the east has a very similar tree, in his yard, that keeps the morning sun from scorching said cool refreshing pool and backyard until ours can take over in the afternoon? and that there are trees all along our back fence also? Ohhh delightful trees and shade. So so sooooo appreciated by me, my little guys, and every person who has experienced it so far.

Now, along with that wonderful backyard of heaven, comes a few other lovely things:

my 1962 pale pink GE oven, and our delightfully delicious custom green walls, a la Senorita Flaire and her exquisite sense of color.

Augusutus' Blue Galaxy walls, on which will hang his moon that lights up with all the phases that we love

Magdalena's luscious pink room, just a passage

formerly a window onto the porch, but now a wonderful "pass through" (view of the kitchen from the rumpus room, and further back, the laundry room/pantry) from the kitchen into what has been dubbed the "rumpus room" that holds all things arty, crafty, dress-up-y, homeschool-y, ya know, basically a room where our children can actually spread out and play and create and be and absorb.

Front door of said house, immediately after closing, with the blissful me and the OMG-really-what-did-I-just-do? Ethan, ready to open the door of our home for the first time.

And above, directly after entering said casa, after having our very first swim with friends.

Before we moved in, we had what I thought was one week to paint. And pack. No problem, right? Uh, well, no actually, major problem. I have issues with time management, it could be said, but nothing like the hurdles I have to leap when it comes to time perception, as in, how long I think something will take me to get done and then the actual reality of how long it takes something to get done. And by something, for now, I mean paint every square inch of walls, ceilings, baseboards and doors of our new-to-us but really much too neutral colored house.

With an army of help from family, friends, painters, bearers of food, and basically everyone I know who is available to help, I am still not finished, and I do not jest. Sigh. Hence the photo below of three sweet sleeping children. After having enlisted everybone's help for a solid week and not being near done, I said baby, (to my man), I've got to spend the night. If I have to leave every day and feed you and the children, and then wake up and get it all together to come back, I'm missing hours of valuable stay-up-late-and-paint time, and wake-up-and-work time, so I'm staying. And where I go, goeth my children, and of course at times Frida because who wants to miss the fun? So just let me say that I constructed a seriously comfy palette for us to sleep on. Three pool rafts, blown up and duck taped shut (the valves kept popping open, who needs that?), layered with 7-8 quilts, a thick and fluffy comforter, topped with a super thick pillow top mattress pad to hold the entire shebang together, soft as an old t-shirt jersey sheets and let me tell you, you got one seriously comfy bed. Exhibit A:

We celebrated Independence Day in true grand style, outfitted by Aunt Su-su and Tito Chuchi with red-white-and-blue tie-dyes for the children and patriotic tattoos for all.

And Frida caught a wave, WOW!

And Tito Chuch, a fish (he went back, of course, just wanted to document...)

And now, (drum roll) may I present my newly minted seven year old daughter, Magdalena! She wanted to start her day at her favorite breakfast joint, Famous Amos, and how could I deny her that? Who can resist fried tomatoes and grits? Not me anyway. We partied like it was 1999 I tell ya. First breakfast out. Then an afternoon family pool party. Tita called me a little after 11am, saying I'm on my way, thinking maybe she was late because the party was supposed to start at noon to which I answered don't worry, we're not even home for heaven's sake!

Here Magdalena is practicing her eye roll. I know, it seems obnoxious, and one day I know it really will be, but for now it is still relatively cute because she doesn't really have it down (not realizing, of course, that she has been doing it naturally for years) and every time she tries it is sooo obvious and she can't help smiling a bit at the end, like, I did it! and I always say- I saw that eye roll, which makes her break out into a huge grin because I noticed it.

And here Augustus is doing my favorite new face that he makes, it's insanely adorable and he just started doing it, out of the blue one day, totally a made up face because when I say "do the face", he totally does it.

And did I mention the scarf? Normally he likes to wear it as a fluffy bow tie with either his bright orange or green shirt because the orange of the tulips is picked up by the orange shirt or the green of the outline accents the green shirt. Well, this day he opted for what he called his "cowboy" look because as he said, "mama, don't you know? This is how cowboys look." Rock it my son, as you are known to do.

Abuela and her big girl

The party, Tito Chuchi manned the grill and the chicken, well, it appears he does not have the same phobia of undercooked chicken that compels me to cook chicken for at least an hour, and his was succulent and juicy, not to mention cooked!

After the family party, we had our little family - mama/papa/MJB/AWB party, plus one birthday sleep-over date friend, and I didn't even start the home-made pizzas until 7pm, so as you can imagine, we sat down for dinner at 9pm. Maybe not so out of the ordinary for us, not so regular for Lulu. At dinner Ethan asked her, what's your bedtime? And she said, 7:30. Uhhh, yeah.

Magdalena had Very Specific Ideas about her birthday this year, and that included brownies and ice cream for her afternoon party, and cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory for her evening party. (cake disclaimer here: As you may or may not know, I am the caker in our family. I love to bake and I love to bake fabulous and decorative and delicious cakes. Check them out here and here. There are more, just can't link to them, anyway, we did a shake-down bake the day before we were going to bake a cake for our dearest darlingest Sarah, decided on some simple cookies. So I pop the cookie trays in the oven and in seconds there was smoke coming from the bottom of severely charred sugar cookies. What a bummer, yes, but also, I'm not into baking in an oven I haven't gotten my groove on with yet, so Magdalena said, you mean we get to buy a cake? As if that were some crazy kind of treat. Trust, my cakes are good.) Anyhoo, break out the cheesecake at 10pm, and let the wild rumpusing begin. And go on and on and on and on. And the party never stops. Then of course we all sleep in a bit on Saturday but it is still a party by george, so break out the sausages and let's go swimming! Oy vey! I must say, a fabulous time was had by all, as to be expected.

And don't you have a photo of yourself like this somewhere? I know this is not the first one I've taken, or posted for that matter, and I know it will not be the last. There is nothing as perfect as an untroubled childhood, and this is reminiscent of mine. I know the last time I posted this I mentioned what my mom did with one of our old photos. Scroll down about half-way through a super long post, and you can read about it here.

why I love parenting, or a day in the life at Casa Naranja

2010-07-20T14:40:00.002-04:00

I was just listening to Tell Me More, on NPR and the interviews were with dads, one stay-at-home, and a parenting perspective informed by the article in the current New York Magazine All Joy and No Fun; why parents hate parenting here. That is so interesting, I was just thinking the exact opposite. I haven't blogged in over a month not because I don't love blogging, believe it or not I do, but because life is oh-so-full, in a good way. I so often wish I was a committed, monetized blogger who blogged at least a blurb with photos every day, but for right now I am not.
When Ethan and I were looking for houses, and we looked, trust, we had a few priorities. Ethan: different neighborhood, good sized yard. Connor: pool, trees. As you can see, we were on the same page. Anyhoo, we looked and looked and he was getting to the point of abandoning our search when doncha know the perfect casa fell into our laps, and we scooped it up. From the moment of signing the contract to closing was 48 days, then two weeks of painting to actually moving in. All this to say that during all this time, since early June when I last blogged, that I have been awash in the love and joy and yes, dare I say FUN, of parenting. Why is it that parents don't have fun? I'm not sure but I believe that it has a lot more to do with the person than the position.
I'm a SAHM, that's stay-at-home-mom for those unfamiliar with the acronym, homeschooling my newly minted 7-year-old daughter and 4 1/2 year old son and part time my 4 year old niece and we have fun. I don't just mean I watch my children have fun, I mean we have fun. Period. About two weeks ago, just after we moved into our new-to-us house, Maco took Augustus for a playdate with Frida so Magdalena and I were on our own. We went for an early evening swim and I played with her like I remember playing when I was a little girl. We jumped up and down in place for ever, just exhilarating in the feeling of plunging in and out of the water, the sounds and sensations, it was incredible. We raced, we had an underwater tea-party, we pretended, we played; basically, we had fun.
Some parents work outside the home, some parents work part time, some parents work inside the home, some parents go to school and work, some parents have domestic help, some parents have endless resources, some parents have to make do, some parents are single, some parents have family support, some parents are on their own. There are endless parenting styles, parenting philosophies, personalities, etc. Here's the big but, but if it sucks, and it's awful, why not examine the parenting situations and expectations, rather than "parenting".
In addition to being a SAHM homeschooling mom, I'm also an AP, attachment parenting, style mom. You can check out what that officially means here. What that means to me is that I (in my best moments, I do, in my worst, I'm still figuring it out) parent with love and respect, mostly by the golden rule. That being said, not only does it feel good to parent this way, but surprise surprise, it feels good to children, and GASP! it's effective and practical. So here you have a completely different take on the whole "parenting makes us unhappy/depressed and the more the harrier, not happier" thesis.
Examine the expectations, examine the parenting model, examine the behaviors, examine the time spent with those little people, quantity counts, quality counts obviously, but so does quantity.
Ok, that's enough of a rant. Photo essay and words about our life to follow!

I'm going to have to stop calling myself a blogger...

2010-06-08T22:48:00.012-04:00

Blessed by owls times two

Our owls blessed us two times over with their gorgeous, fluffy owl-chicks. It was like our very own Nat Geo special, right in our front yard. First, one of the big guys alights in our front yard and we all - Ethan, M & A, and me - happen to be in the living room to see the action, when the owl plucks what looks to me like a humongous black snake out of the yard. Right there, BAM, in our front yard. Ok, so the snake wasn't very big at all, maybe 12-18 inches, but in the beak of a flying owl, twisting and turning, well it was nothing short of spectacular.

Said owl, now acting all nonchalant. Next, we see a baby owl BAM! hit the street right in front of our house! Totally crazy. All the neighbors are out, watching. As is this owl, clocking every move we make, never leaves the branches above the little guy.

I of course, jump into action. Call the emergency vet, they refer me to the local wildlife rescue folks, who then refer me to Beaks, a bird rescue outfit on a barrier island about an hour away. My advice is to scoop the little owl up in a towel, put it in a box, and bring it out because "once that owl hits the ground, it's all over". Weeelllll, not so fast. I took Magdalena to a sleepover date and when I got home I could not find the little owl, but the mama & papa owl were close overhead. In the morning, I searched and searched the bushes and overgrown tropical brush that is the no-man's-land between the houses, to no avail. All the while, of course, under the scrutiny of mama & papa owl. And then behold the baby, all gorgeous and fluffy, scared but pretty darn self-reliant, up about 4 feet in a small tree, on a little limb, trying to sleep until I came stomping around.

I went online to find out about these guys and discovered they are barred owls and between baby chicks and fledglings they are called "branchers". Branchers, right? They have not yet learned to fly and move about the tree tops by using their beaks and talons. And apparently it is not uncommon for them to fall out of the trees and be kind of flopping around on the ground in bushes and such, trying to fly, and eventually climbing back up into the tops of the trees. This guy was in a sapling, but later that day Ethan saw him cross the street and climb up the tree, exactly as I had read about, using his talons and his beak, and by the time I saw him, he was way up in the branches of the oaks above our heads again. He or the other little guy fell a couple of more times. One of them was in the greenery surrounding our oak in the front yard and the children all went out and sat in front of him - two huge owls overhead keeping watch - talking to him and checking him out. The next time I saw both the owls they were flying. Big, beautiful, and fully flying. Still, we are blessed by owls.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day and a visit from no other than Lojeha, mama and roadtripper extraordinaire, accompanied by her two lovelies Harper and Addie. Joy, pure joy. And chalk art, just like when we drove through Atlanta almost a while back at the very start of the road trip, back in December of '08.

Some mama's day family love with Tito Chuchi.

We had a mini vacation while LJ was in town, Jeanna and I packed up the children and headed off to mama's beach casita to have a major two day sleep-over. When packing Augustus said - always interested in the costume options - bring the dress-up! To which I oh-so-dismissively said, uh, no. Mama, bring the dress up bring the dress up bring the dress up mamamamamamambringthedressupbringthedressupbringthedressup bring the dress up! So yes ok I caved and why not I thought? What's the difference if I bring 8 bags for two nights or nine including one over-stuffed huge Ikea shopping bag full of dress up clothes and wigs and silks and scarves? I mean, what exactly is the my major malfunction?

And as you see, Augustus was right, as usual.

LJ, oh sweet LJ. See, ya have to know LJ to get the whole scene. Her language is the perfect combination of sweet tangy southern drawl and her adopted French language, delivered by the feistiest 100 lb fire-cracker you will ever have the pleasure of knowing. (LJ was in Paris to attend the Sorbonne, doncha know, and I can't remember the exact timeline, but at some point money was scarce so she busked, tap dancing for sustenance on the Champs de Le -whatever that famous street in Paris is). Lori Jeanne has done time all over this vast blue and green globe of ours and allows all the good of all the places she's been in all over the world that she's absorbed to slowly eek out, a little at a time here, a bit more there, spreading good tidings and love everywhere she goes, soaking up more good and more groove here, spreading it there. That is LJ. Keeping it together honey, golden hair flying, blue eyes sparkling, heart beating and working, for the love of us all.

Frida in motion is close to perfection.

Addie, contemplating, as she does.

Harper, investigating, as she does.

LJ and the Chuch.

A random shot

Augustus and the faux-hawk. I think he is insanely adorable. And I don't really care how passe this hair style is because my darling 4 1/2 year old can rock it. As he is known to do.

visiting our local Clan Barnas

We drove out to the panhandle to visit with our beautiful family, Neil, Tammi and Ariella and I could not get a decent shot out of the whole thing. This was the cutest one, and I have to admit, it's pretty darn cute. Ari is the most delicious, biggest, and most fabulous baby girl on the planet! Her thighs are never-ending, her cheeks rival Augustus for cheekiness, and I don't think we could adore her more. We'll see, if she progresses in darlingness as she has, our adoration will increase accordingly.

blueberries!

We arrived in north central Florida, about an hour and a half away from home, at the most darling you-pick-them blueberry farm you could imagine. Blubella Farms. Heaven, pure heaven. It was perfect picking weather, overcast and not too terribly hot. As we drove into High Springs, we were listening to the O Brother soundtrack, singing at the top of our lungs, so excited to be "in the countryside", as Magdalena says. Mama, she says to me, can we go to the countryside? (what? where'd you hear that, "the countryside"? Every time she says "the countryside", it's like that, in "quotes", like it means something.) So I said, well, yes actually. We're going blueberry picking tomorrow, and that'll be in "the countryside". Dirt roads and all, we were in "the countryside".

The children ate probably as many as they picked, which was fine, because I was obsessed with picking. Obsessed! And pick I did, a bit too many maybe, but we've been enjoying the fruit of our labor for quite a few days now, and they are oh. so. delicious.

We were all in search of that perfect, round, juicy berry. And we all found our own version, over and over and over again. Yum.

As we packed up our berries, we were mighty sweaty and hot and totally excited to leave and go explore the cold spring water of Blue Springs, right across the main road from the farm. Leaving, driving 15 MPH on a dirt road with no traffic, Magdalena and Frida and Augustus were seat belt free, singing "I'll Fly Away", leaning out the windows, smiling in the sun, full of ripe berries. And for just one moment, Iexperienced absolute freedom. Absolute perfection. Absolute presence. Open and free, no fear, no cars, no asphalt, just music and singing children, dirt in the air, blue sky above, folk/gospel songs and anticipation. Magic, love, blessings. Butterfly wings and flowers. All beauty. All goodness. All gratitude. All one.

spring recital

The spring recital for Kinderstudios, and life is good! Augustus and Frida were up first. So where are the photos of their performance you say? Nowhere I say! A & F declined to dance onstage. Augustus said later, you know mama, I just want to do the dance at home, for you. Ok say I, we can do just that. It only took him about four months to do the Hippopotamus dance for me that he didn't do onstage for the Christmas recital, I'm looking forward to the Froggy dance when that comes.

Magdalena dancing the hop-1-2-3 for Irish. That's what they call Irish dance, just Irish. As in, We're doing this for Irish. Or, I need black tights for Irish! Oh. So. Big. Really.

Here is Audrey, her gorgeous and wonderful Irish dance teacher. We all love Audrey. She's young and gorgeous and an incredible dancer, and she loves the girls.

Magdalena and Lulu finishing their dance for Miss Blythe's ballet class. So delightful they are, our little ballerinas.

Doing "Jolly Holiday" from Mary Poppins for Mr. Todd's Musical Theater class. Allie, Sofia and Magdalena were all playing Mary Poppins.

And here Magdalena partners up with Lulu, her Bert! They were so cute by God! It was a jolly holiday!

The "Bigs" as we called them, all the big girls from the 2009/2010 co-op, together with Miss Audrey. Our "Irish" class photo. Magdalena, Allie, Miss Audrey, Lulu.

And you know Augustus loves Miss Audrey.

With Miss Sarah, all the children's BTJ teacher. (ballet/tap/jazz)

With Mr. Todd, the Musical Theater instructor. Now Ellie and Augustus were not in Mr. Todd's class, but Mr. Todd is such the rock star to the children, they all do love him so, Ellie and Augustus just had to get in the shot.

And finally, Miss Alexandra, the woman who makes it all happen. She is the energy and force of nature behind Kinderstudios. She is sweetness and light, and loves and respects our children for everything it's worth. We do love you Miss Alexandra!

love letter

And we close with a love note chalk drawing Magdalena completed for Frida for her birthday. Happy fourth birthday Frida!

because I'm a slacker blogger

2010-04-24T12:01:00.011-04:00

Because I'm a slacker in all things blogging, I now present you with a multitude of family life, a la Clan Barnas. For your viewing enjoyment, a photo essay, with a few words thrown in for good measure.

Magdalena, demonstrating her cackle, which is quite witchy and very wonderful and good for a laugh. Either that or this is Medusa, caught and buried by the Kracken.

Augustus, as buried by Uncle William, the Buddha.

Frolicking on the beach with said Uncle, William.

Triangle at it's best, x 2.

Ho Hum, another boring day on the island of piggy piggy. (c'mon, don't you remember the Hudson Brothers?) Or, another day in the life, another gorgeous beach. Visiting Grammy and Poppy down in Sanibel.

HAP East!

HAP is Homeschoolers Adventure Playgroup, started by L.A. Jess, out on the west coast of this wide wide world of our United States of America. When we were out there last year, we were so blessed to take part in some of the HAP activities. I decided, we must have our very own HAP! So HAP East was started, and off to a bang it is. Here is some of the regular and not-so-regular crew, getting sweaty on an elevated boardwalk out over the marshes of the inter-coastal waterway.

Easter and our annual photo, oh-so gorgeous children, lovely eggs and egg hunt.

Officially house hunting. Augustus, rocking the green and brown striped shirt, orange sailboat tie, and blue guayabera shirt as a jacket, jeans. Nice.

HAP East again!

This time, down by the river, enjoying the shade and gorgeous windy day.

Augustus said "I married Ellie today!". Mazel tov! May it be a boy!

Ahhh... the joys of shimmering face markers. Who needs a market day or a fair? Everyday is a party here baby.

Drum roll please....

And may I present, my most darling gorgeous boy, freshly shorn and showered, Augustus!

What a difference a day makes!

And visiting from the sunny north east, our darling family from Vermont, the Pollards!

All I know is, thank heavens Augustus cut all his hair when he did, or he never would have been able to get that lion's mane over his head of curls!

Redmond, Augustus's favorite human on the planet, who we will be seeing much more of in the coming months as she plans on attending University here. Yay!

Homeschooling at it's finest, I tell ya!

And what I hope to be our annual photo at the fish shack with our Vermont family! In case you forgot, you can see us here: (or not. hmmm...technical difficulties. Anyway, there is a very similar photo under Saturday, May 16, 2009, you can see the sign. Sigh)

a Manifesto

2010-03-23T13:35:00.005-04:00

From the Freaky Salon. Since I am not a "performer" - attention seeking, extroverted, flamboyant possibly - but not a performing-type performer, I decided to do a dramtic reading. Of what? Couldn't find anything I really wanted to read, so I wrote something. As promised, here it is:

On Being Me

A Manifesto

I believe in Love.

(an easy one right? even trite, maybe, sappy, romantic, sentimental, but Love is at the core of my heart and being, it all starts with Love)

I believe in art, in beauty, in nature, in relationship, in family, in God.

(so generic, so broad, cloying, true. So how do all these beliefs manifest in my life? How do these generalizations specifically show up? How does a belief in love, and a love of belief, define a manifesto?)

I believe in surrender.

American Heritage Dictionary defines surrender as:

To relinquish possession or control of to another because of demand or compulsion.
To give up in favor of another.
To give up or give back (something that has been granted): surrender a contractual right.
To give up or abandon: surrender all hope.
To give over or resign (oneself) to something, as to an emotion: surrendered himself to grief.

I believe in surrender.

(I believe that I do not always live my beliefs)

I believe in motherhood.

(motherhood. Motherhood? I mean really, whose definition of motherhood? What am I saying, exactly? Do I believe in the actual process of becoming a mother? Something that concrete, or is it more abstract?)

I believe in the actual process of becoming a mother.

I believe in the surrender that has accompanied me in my journey as a mother.

I believe that in being a mom, mama, mother, mommy, I have found my truest expression of love, absolute and unconditional.

I believe in marriage.

Specifically, I believe in my marriage.

I believe in the structure and style and value of my relationship with my husband.

I trust that belief.

I believe in being the heart of our home.

I believe in beauty.

I believe in the value of creating beauty.

(creating beauty, hmmm…how? Where? This is a manifesto for God’s sake, MANIFEST!)

I believe in creating beauty in our home with art made by us, art given to us, beautiful things to use, beautiful things to look at, a beautiful atmosphere of love and warmth and safety.

I believe in a wabi-sabi life.

I believe in family.

I believe our family.

I believe in the story of our family, the history, the myths, the tales, the memories.

I believe that culturally, we are Cuban.

I believe in telling stories with my children, with my family, with my mom, with my brothers and sister, with my cousins, with my aunt, with heart sisters and brothers and cousins and aunts and uncles.

I believe in listening.

I believe in creating continuity with our specific personal history.

I believe in forgiving the past.

I believe in redemption.

I believe in recovery.

I believe that what did not kill me may not have made me stronger, but it definitely made me humble. (or maybe humiliated me, sometimes a fine line)

I believe that Love truly is the heart of all things.

(yes, I did come back to that first one, and no, it is not the final line in the manifesto, I just thought we could be reminded of that)

I believe that Jeanne Vanier is a living Saint.

I believe that service to the community, to one in need, to one who wants, to one with a broken heart, to one who suffers in any capacity, can lead me to ultimate joy.

I believe in community.

I believe that we are part of a whole.

I believe that whole benefits from our participation.

I believe we benefit from the whole.

I believe in the love of Our Lady, Mary.

I believe in asking for help.

(begging is more like it, when I can’t seem to find that surrender I so fervently believe in)

I believe that life unfolds in absolute perfection.

I believe that in our imperfection, we are perfect beings, and our imperfect life is perfect.

I believe that there is not a cosmic eyelash out of place.

I believe in “Chop wood carry water”

I believe in the sacred as the mundane.

I believe the mundane is sacred.

I believe it when Tita says “we’re squeezing every drop of joy and wonder out of life, in between the tragedies”

I believe that the depth of my sorrow is only matched by the soaring heights of my joy, and the capacity and ability to feel both is a gift.

I believe in dancing.

I believe in laughter.

I believe in free play.

I believe in letting go.

I believe in the earth.

I believe in flowers and a vegetable garden.

I believe in digging in the dirt.

I believe in the sand and the ocean.

I believe in summer and all that entails.

I believe in days that last an eternity, sandy, salty children, and I believe that food tastes better at the end of those days.

I believe in the river.

I believe in the swamp.

I believe that my children need to dig and swim and climb and run.

I believe I need to do the same.

I believe in the mountains.

I believe in the desert.

I believe in my husband’s love of his home, and my need to be near mine.

I believe in deep and abiding friendship.

I believe in my coast-to-coast community.

I believe in Uncle William, in Cali Jess, in LJ, in the LaShell’s, in Dara & Jonnie & Caolin and Rauri, I believe in our Mira Monte family, and Clan Pollard.

I believe in Café con Leche, black beans, picadillo, and paella (even thought I don’t eat it any more, I still believe in it)

I believe in taking pictures and documenting our life.

I believe in expressing my beliefs.

I believe in living an authentic life.

I believe in that as I live life from my heart, with out fear, I live a life of love and beauty and joy.

And ultimately, isn’t that what it’s all about?

I believe in happiness.

I believe in joy.

I believe in freedom.

I believe in beauty.

I believe in LOVE.

Feels like spring

2010-03-14T10:14:00.011-04:00

Valentine's Day

No cakes baked this year, or strawberries dipped in chocolate, but a Valentine's of love and family and blessings from the Traveling Virgin was delighful. She visited us last just before Thanksgiving and I set her up on Magdalena's desk. We then used the desk for the Advent wreath, and as a sort of Holiday table and we didn't do a lick of school work until the beginning of February. Sooo...when the Virgin came back around, I didn't dare close up shop on the desk again, so here she sits on the antique sewing machine, surrounded by love and hearts and candles and flowers. Perfect!

Feeling the Spring Vibe

Magdalena and Augustus, ready for a day celebrating what feels like spring here, and dressed for the occasion.

HAP East Begins!

HAP or - Homeschool Adventure Playgroup - is the brainchild of my dear darling Cali Jess, mama extraordinaire. It's a field trip playgroup out in LA and I thought, hey, we need that here hence - HAP East! Started with fits and sputters, here is our official first outing, a day - chillier than we expected - on the St. Johns River, a boardwalk stroll, a picnic in a sheltered from the wind forest clearing, and a wonderful hike through the woods. HAP East rocks!

Here is our first HAP East lineup, sans Augustus, adventure ready.

Augustus off to the side.

Our first botanical find, a crazy fungus among us, peaking up through the Spanish moss.

Boys! (see, it's been all girls, seven in our co-op, with Augustus and Soren baby, now we've added darling Tanner and the boys I've asked the universe for are starting to show up!)

The coolest tree of all. Lichens or fungus, don't remember what our resident field expert told me, but it was a beautiful sight. HAP East will be happening, and we'll see it all here.

The Freaky Salon

The Freaky Salon you ask? Yes, the Freaky Salon. I read this article in Mothering Mag (couldn't link to it in the archives) awhile back and I knew we had to create our own Freaky Salon. We asked our friends to join us in an evening of performance, fun, and food. The rules, as we created them, were:

1.) Don't invite anyone you wouldn't want to see you in your p.j.'s - which means, basically, don't invite anybody you couldn't completely relax around.

2.) Nobody has to perform - if you want to awesome! If not, relax and enjoy, and when you see how fun it is, maybe you'll do it next time!

3.) 5 minute performance maximum.

Mothering might have had other rules, and maybe we did also, but I don't remember them now. Anyhoo, Magdalena made tickets and she and Lulu sold them to our guests, $1 a pop, money to be donated to the local Humane Society. Our hostess with the mostess Sarah MC'd and was fabulous, and we had the most wonderful, unexpected and ingenious performances you could imagine! I didn't get photos of Magdalena, Augustus and Lulu, dressed all in silks and scarves with rouged cheeks under authentic Vietnamese sun hats dancing to "Good News Delivered By Thunder", which is a shame because they were darling, so you'll just have to take my word for it.

Jen helps Magdalena with her "spooky eyes".

Above mentioned spooky eyes. Magdalena's solo performance to "Monster Mash" as Magdalena Bat Girl.

Jeanna's interpretive dance to The Smith's blast from the past "How Soon Is Now?" with pink and gold tulle, channelling Abraham, bringing joy to all.

Issac and Emma, mad libbing and strumming the original "I Once Was a Mermaid...", and rocking the house!

There were many more acts, but because there was a video being recorded, I seriously fell down on the documenting job. But I will, in a separate post, post a manuscript of my performance. You'll see.

The LaShell Visit, or The Okefenokee As Seen Through Magdalena's Camera

Augustus at the well of the homestead near the East entrance to the Okefenokee.

Magdalena and Augustus and Ben in full imagination play mode, working on the homestead, figuring out the grindstone. There was a corn crib with some kind of grinder, and when I walked in Magdalena said "if you're in here, you need to get to work!". So I left for a kinder gentler spot.

Gettin' the washin' done!

Puttin' the boys to work.

The LaShell's were here for days, and I was so camera lazy that I have not one photo from my camera to show. I will say as always, it was a delight to spend time with them, to play to laugh to talk to explore. We spent our last day together barely getting our proverbial toes wet at the Okefenokee Swamp. It was so insanely gorgeous! We saw 4 alligators, live and direct and I mean not behind bars but right there! Close enough to make me nervous and hold Augustus tight. Jessica did take some photos at the swamp, one of the children sitting down on the raised boardwalk with a gator right behind them, in the swamp, close enough to jump up and take a bite! Ok, not that close, and the gator was not that big, but when it got sick of us bothering it and started toward the boardwalk to swim under it, you best believe that there were no people near the edge, and all children's hands were held! The swamp is just as I imagined, tea colored water, cypress trees and knees, scrub oak and pine trees, and everything dripping with swaying Spanish moss. It didn't smell swampy, strangely enough, it smelled fresh. As soon as get a good photo from Jess, I'll post it. We'll be making a trip back soon enough.

We Are Blessed By Owls

These two gorgeous owls live in the trees above our house. We hear them every evening. The come out shortly before dusk and hoot and hoot and hoot. When we hear them and it is still light, we all race outside to search the trees for them. Today, they were right above us in the back yard, just hanging out, grooming each other and themselves, and they'd both look down at us, checking us out I like to imagine. They make a total racket all night long and I am surprised by how much I adore them. I love hearing their hoots and look for them above. I love hearing them hoot when I'm already in bed and the house is quiet, I imagine them, out in our trees, living their owl-y life. I feel so blessed that they have chosen the trees above us as their home, it's just the coolest thing in the world to me. We have this book from Grandma Fran, Ethan's mom, called "Who Pooped In the Park?" and it's all about looking for animal "sign" as in tracks or "scat" - what the naturalists call poop. It tells about owl scat and also owl "pellets", chunks of hair and fur and bones that the owls can't digest and cough up, kinda like our cat Belly's hair balls, but much less gross because I wouldn't discover them when they squished through my toes, but I digress. I'm still hunting my first owl pellet, I have to figure out where there home is so I can suss it out for "pellets". Yum. I'll keep you informed.

Augustus and Magdalena

2010-02-11T00:32:00.005-05:00

Augustus

Magdalena

everything since...

2010-01-15T22:15:00.013-05:00

the Recital!
Eating some yummy food, getting ready for the show!

Waiting to perform...

Our afta-party, yummy treats.

Christmas Eve!
My darling and her first lost tooth.

The Feast~
My new favorite festive bread round with Fresh Basil, Grape Tomato, and Fresh Mozzarella Cheese and oh my but it is so Lovely and Delicious, almost a meal unto itself!

Another new tradition, Crown Pork Roast with Honey Glazed Pears and Kumquats and Wild Mushroom Stuffing. Super yum! Now if I can just figure out how to get it on the table before nine pm...my Cuban heritage runs strong! Dinner at 9pm, of course!

Some sleepy children, reading 'Twas the Night Before Christmas with Abuela.

Christmas!
The new Houston Tradition, a Christmas Family Bike Ride! Because that's how warm it was on Christmas. Yep, Florida!

Christmas Day at Abuela's house, a small gathering, lovely and fun.

It's the year of the Nutcracker, and the children each received one that they love and cherish, a bit to death if you must know. We promptly lost arms, trumpets and axes, then feet...all to be repaired by Godfather Drosselmeier doncha know.

Dinner Party Deluxe
One of Jeanna and Dave's famous dinner parties, pictured are just the girls. Paella, love and community, what more could you ask?

How about an after-dinner show? Put on by our very own dancers, all performing Magdalena's March of the Nutcracker from the Kinderstudios show. As you can see, Augustus opted for the tu-tu of all tu-tus, and lovely he did look.

Some interpretive dance after the "official" show.

Happy New Year!
Midnight, ushering in 2010. Crazy eyes and sleepy eyes, a bit too much sparkling juice and sugar eyes.

Tooth Number Two!
Officially gap-toothed.
The Bonfire!
And yet another new tradition- the Burning-of-the-Christmas-Tree-Bonfire with Hot Coco & Marshmallows, S'mores, Hot Mulled Cider and the family all gathered around the fire. Such Fun! And it did happen to be freeeeeezzzziiiiiing! So we really did enjoy our fire, it wasn't just for show!

Papa and his helpers, starting the rip-roaring fire.

Yesterday
Back to the library and Hemming Plaza downtown for the first time in ages. The children dressed in all their Christmas finery to go see our favorite librarians in the world and bring belated Christmas love and homemade pressies.
A favorite treat, Kettle Corn. So Yummy!

And finally, my big girl, in her magical Christmas dress, snuggled in with a book. She borrowed 14 chapter books and hasn't stopped reading since.

Once again, as per usual, life is good. Good and sweet and abundant and rich and loamy, just like we like it.

the Recital

2009-12-29T00:30:00.005-05:00

Did I mention that my camera broke? Again? Or, should I say, I broke my camera, again? Sigh. It was in my coat pocket on the trip home from NC and somehow the LED screen on the back got crushed. Right? So it is currently in the camera hospital recovering and only Heaven knows how long that will take. So this post is all words, no images but the ones you conjure up in your head. I know I have so many floating around in mine.

Specifically, Magdalena, Augustus, and Frida's first recital. Do you think stage moms are born or made? And exactly what constitutes a stage mom? A mom who is in the wings, doing the dance while her four-year-old son stands smack in the middle of the stage with his hands in his pockets? A mom who apparently was not far back enough in the wings, so the audience was treated to the hand movements from said mom, wildly gesticulating for said son to turn turn turn!

I'm not sure. But I digress as per usual. Let's start with Magdalena. Did I mention A Star is Born? No? Well let me. She is so super fabulous and gorgeous and heavenly. I know I know, I am so her mom, and I will rave about her till the cows come home. She was the picture of the six year old ballerina in pink tights, pink leotard with soft tu-tu skirt, hair slicked back in a bun. Divine. And she did her dances beautifully and smiled and waved at us when she saw us. Pure joy. And her point really does rock, the first thing Jeanna said when she saw her on stage was, OMG, look at her point!

Frida and Augustus were in the third performance, their one and only. As they took their places on the stage, behind the curtain, Augustus said "I thought we were going to be out there" as in in front of the curtain. So. Cute. All the adorable girls - he's the only boy - in the class were wearing their pink tights and leotards and red Christmas headbands and Augustus wore a white button down shirt, a red bow-tie, and black velvet pants and he was to-die-for darling! When the music started as I was frantically doing the dance in the wings (ahem) Augustus covered his ears and said very loudly "It's too loud" over and over and over until they turned it down a bit, which of course got loads of laughs and applause. Frida was having trouble figuring out who she was going to follow: Augustus or Miss Alexandra. Would she stand there, looking terribly cute but not dancing a la Augustus, or would she follow her heart and dance? We all know. Frida is committed. When she could stand it no longer, she burst into dance, the dance she had practiced so hard to master. And master it she did. Perfectly she did that dance while my darling Augustus did a few little moves, and then put his hands in his pockets and basked in the glory of being on stage.

Backstage, after the performances, there were roses for all, then a trip to the coffee shop for celebratory Hot Coco with Whipped Cream, Scones, and a Cappuccino for this mama. Sigh. How lovely and perfectly wonderful it all was.

29 photos, or - Gymnastics; Our Lady; Thanksgiving; North Carolina and Snow

2009-12-13T01:10:00.019-05:00

Gymnastics

Augustus, Frida and Magdalena took gymnastics this fall. Is it a rite of passage? Must all small children at some point take gymnastics? Maybe. Ours did. Magdalena took to it like a duck to water. Fell in love with Miss Brook, the instructor, fell in love with the balance beam, the bar, the tumbling, fell in love with the other tumblers. Loved it loved it loved it. Frida took a minute to warm up, then she also was all about gymnastics, much like dance, she was committed. Augustus, well, Augustus...not so much. He liked it, then wouldn't go to class, then went reluctantly, and was glad when I said "this Tuesday will be our last gymnastics class" (it was a twelve week series).

This is my favorite photo. I am enchanted by Magdalena's point and concentration. But I'm supposed to be ya see, I am her mama.

Our Lady

The week of Thanksgiving I was blessed to have the Blessed Traveling Virgin, Our Lady. She blessed our home and honored our thanks and gave the whole affair an air of Grace. I was and still am Thankful.

Thanksgiving

My favorite tradition in the whole world, because I was a part of it's origin, don't ya know: The now hallowed tradition of Pie For Breakfast on Thanksgiving! Brilliant I tell you, brilliant! It all started years ago up in Troy, NY. I was nannying/hanging out with one of my favorite family's on the planet, the Pollards - one of whom is Magdalena's Godmother by the way, PJ - when one fateful Thanksgiving I was doing a Storch/Cuban-American-like-the-way-I-grew-up style Thanksgiving - stuffed turkey marinated in sour orange, garlic, olive oil, oregano and salt; black beans & rice; yuca. PJ and Bruce had baked the pies, and I think they were ready on Thanksgiving morning and it's all a bit fuzzy but I believe it just seemed like the most appropriate thing in the world to do, wake up, make coffee and enjoy bits of all these gorgeous pies just waiting to be eaten! There might have been more to it than that, but it's been a loooooong time since I lived in NY and that memory suits me just fine.
Anyhoo, on to the present. Ever since then it has just seemed such a perfect way to start Thanksgiving because really, who has room for pie after all that yummy food? So start the day with it I say! I made our now officially favorite Breakfast on Thanksgiving Pie, Peach Raspberry Pie, with Fresh Whip Cream. I also made two Homemade Pecan Pies, mmmmm....super yummy. During the rolling of the dough of one of the pies my friend Joseph said - insert your own Southern accent here - what'r ya doin? Making the pie crust. Like from flour and eggs and all that? Uhh, close, flour, water, salt and lard (real lard by the way, the kind you have to refrigerate that is YES better for you than butter or any kind of fake shortening and makes a crust so flaky that "it will shatter at the touch of a fork" thank you Joy of Cooking). And also two special request pies this year, a Coconut Cream Pie (extremely sweet, but quite delicious) for Ethan and a Tart Cherry Pie a la Magdalena. All served with heaping dollops of Fresh Whipped Cream. Ethan was our man on coffee, serving up Cafe con Leches as fast as he could make them, and Americanos to boot. I could not imagine a more auspicious start to the most glorious of days, our American Thanksgiving Day, I mean don't we all have so much to be thankful for? Whew. That's a post unto itself.

And just in case you forgot or were fooled by that gorgeous snowy photo in my blog title, yes we do live in Sunny Florida and yes, it was like 65-70 degrees, and yes we did enjoy a bit of Frisbee in the street, thank you very much! Some of us still in our p.j.'s and some of still Peter Pan. Yes, still Peter Pan. Because he can.

My latest favorite photo of our darling little Ariella with her Bulu, checking him out. Seriously.

Friday, after the hordes had departed (22 for Thanksgiving dinner, it was divine! So. Much. Family!) we had a bit of time with our extended Clan Barnas for some one-on-one mama/papa/Ariella time. Much needed, much enjoyed.

North Carolina
Aaahhhhh...North Carolina. Not just North Carolina, but western North Carolina, just off the Blue Ridge Parkway, on a mountain, in the woods, in the most glorious house with the most incredible of families, the legendary Familia LaShell. Oh how we do love those LaShells. Since moving to Florida (we met when we were all living in Alamogordo, NM), we have had at least two or three visits a year with the LaShells and we love and cherish each and every one. They've visited us three times, and we've visited them about the same. And every time it is a revelation. Do you have those people in your life who are just such a good fit, yet so very different at the same time? For me, that is the LaShell family. I can honestly say I don't know if I laugh with anybody as much as I laugh with Jessica. She is so easily made to laugh when I tell stories of our family antics. And when Jessica laughs, it is so easy to join in. We tend to belly laughs, we do. And that is such joy, I cannot tell you. And they are oh so fiscally responsible. And they eat so well, Paleolithic style. Really. Pick it, gather it, harvest it, hunt it, milk it, or really just don't eat it. Talk about eating around the perimeter of the grocery store! They inspire me they do. They rearrange my brain molecules they do. They give me perspective and love and warmth. And they are moving back out west to park range in Lake Meade, Nevada so a final fare-thee-well visit was in order.

When we first met, Magdalena was just a year and Ben still in Jessica's belly. Now Magdalena is six and the youngest is two, and there are four of the most fabulous children you can imagine. Notice Magdalena, she chose not to bring her Tiger Lilly costume but her Sleeping Beauty costume from last year and notice, shockingly enough, that Augustus is still wearing Peter Pan! Wait, no, I'm mistaken, he is Peter Pan!

Last year we visited on about the same weekend, and Magdalena learned the joy of picking and then eating fresh kale. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Fresh Kale, Good!

Mark is reader big guy extraordinaire. He plays, he plays he plays - upside down backwards inside out - then he settles settles settles and enchants. Did I mention he built the glorious house we stayed in? He's the whole package baby, all that and a bag of homemade organic grass fed delicious jerky. That my children ate like it was candy, candy I tell ya.

We spent the day in Ashville and an incredible cold windy and yummy day it was. Traipsing up and down windswept gray sky hilly Ashville, with leaden snow clouds above and yummy hot coco below, who could ask for more? I could actually. I could actually ask for the two hats I almost bought my children. Two hand-knitted hats. Two hand-knitted, one hand-spun, then hand-dyed, then hand-knitted hats that were incredible. Two hand-knitted wool hats for my children who live in Florida that would have put me back $95. It was close, I'll be honest. Were we living in a climate that might require said wool hats more than three days a year, I'd have gotten them. I know I know, wool breathes. It doesn't have to be that cold to wear them. They were gorgeous and did I mention hand-made? With love? Couldn't justify it, but I can justify buying those connected needles and figuring out how to knit a cotton hat myself. I'm pretty handy and I started knitting a couple of years ago, just haven't in a while. We'll see. I'll show them to you here, if I ever do get to them. Maybe in the spring.

Back to the homestead with bundled up outside play, a walk down the mountain road to see Blue the goat, and get some of that fresh mountain air flowing through our bodies.

Maia. How can I describe Maia? Here she and Augustus are hugging for the sheer joy of it! For the sheer wonderfulness of life that is being little and having company and meeting new friends. As I mentioned, there were four children: Magdalena, 6; Ben, 5; Augustus, 4; Maia, 2. Four days, in close quarters, all over each other, in the tub together, and not one - not one - intervention. It was bliss I tell ya! Every now and then Jess or Mark would have to help putting a tent together in the bedroom/playroom, but otherwise it was four children in heaven. And the interesting thing about Maia is that she is just over 2 years old and almost as verbal as our sweet Frida, 3 1/2, and has such an innate joie de vivre that her joy is infectious, positively transforming any moment into one of infinite possibility for play and joy. And she engaged Augustus like a champ and he was enchanted by her, positively enchanted. And Jess and I saw and said "It is good".

Snow
And finally snow. Snow. Snow, do you hear me, snow! Aahhhhh glorious yummy freezing cold snow. Unexpected blessing of snow. Thursday, when we went into Ashville, our waiter at the best Mexican/Caribbean fusion restaurant I have ever eaten at, Ever. Salsa's. Eat there. Now. You can thank me later. Anyhoo I digress as per usual. Our waiter said that flurries were predicted for late Friday/Saturday. I said SHUT UP! NO WAY! He said yeah, seriously. So pray I did and blessed we were. Saturday was our day to leave, Mark said snow was predicted above 3000 feet at 4am Saturday morning. I went to sleep Friday night, looking out the window at the leaden sky praying, c'mon snow! Saturday morning I was the first one up and I ran downstairs like a 6 year old on Christmas morning and threw open the front door and snow. Wet, intermittent imperfect snow but snow. So up I ran to awaken my sleepyheads and shove them outside in p.j.'s and hats and scarves because I thought this is it, get it while you can. I didn't foresee the beautiful, fluffy flakes to come. The blanket of snow on everything. The children getting bundled up before breakfast and then again after breakfast to have snow-ball fights and make snow cones. I didn't foresee the perfection. Then again, I rarely do.

Yes, Augustus is eating snow directly off the chair. Better than the car!

Thank you snow! Thank you earth, sky, water, heaven, God! Thank you! We are blessed.

Fall, Floriday style

2009-11-26T14:03:00.002-05:00

The change of colors in the fall, a la Casa Barnas. 'Cause that's how we roll.

giving thanks. everyday

2009-11-24T14:06:00.002-05:00

I've been doing this (almost) daily post leading up to Thanksgiving on my facebook page. It's a daily entry on being thankful, having gratitude, which for me really translates to being present. When I'm present, when I'm in the moment, oh the gratitude. It's unavoidable really, an all-consuming reality, this gratitude. I don't actually live there in . I have moments, flashes of grace, a halting of the race in my heart and mind and I'll think, oh yes, this is perfect, this life. This blog has always been a realization of those moments for me. Soul Expanding Life and Loose Ends Flying gives me a place to stop and document the grace, and the facebook page has upped the ante in an interesting way - a daily 420 character or less gratitude post. Get in get out, go where the action is, short and sweet baby.

I fell away from blogging because I had an expectation of the posts. An expectation that they be a certain way or a certain thing, so I found myself resenting the time and effort, hence the avoidance. Could I be more predictable? What the break in blogging gave me was a fresh perspective and a reminder of why I'm blogging, who I'm blogging for, and the payoff for me, my family, my friends and the random readers that might visit. That payoff is a document, visual and written, of our pedestrian mundane glorious and grace-filled life. And that, it seems, is enough.

From the top:
Eleanor's delightful Apple Pie With Stars. Yum.
My favorite Soren on the planet, more than Kierkegaard.
Wow, I guess I didn't realize it was still Halloween. Oh wait, it's not. That's right, Augustus told me in absolute intense seriousness - mom, I'm turning into Peter Pan in real life.
What Eleanor has dubbed the "Seasonal Susan", with the season in full swing.

I am thankful.

and a bit more...

2009-11-13T10:55:00.003-05:00

Some pre-Halloween celebrating at Tita's house for pumpkin carving and preparing for Samhain. Which I recently found out is not pronounce Sam-hain, strangely enough, but something like sa -wayn. Feel free to correct me, I don't have all the little pronunciation keys on my keyboard or if I do I am not going to hunt them down. I digress. A celebration of harvest and fall and Jack-O-Lanterns.

This year Magdalena decided that she actually loves touching and feeling and scooping out the pumpkin guts. Oh what joy! And the picture of Frida, long hair and naked body and hands in the pumpkin? Well I do seem to remember an almost exact same photo of her mama from years ago. Aahhh, the cycle of life. It is good.

Finally, our Halloween Eve sojourn to the Zoo Spooktacular with Butterfly Tita and Tinkerbell.

Here we have the Captain of the Lost Boys aka Peter Pan, Butterfly Tita, Tink, Mrs Darling and Tiger Lilly. Did I mention that life is good?

Halloween!

2009-11-10T11:14:00.003-05:00

Oh Halloween, the glory of it all! The history of the traditions, the Jack-O-Lantern from Ireland, the apples from Rome, the Day of the Dead, all Hallows Eve, All Saints Day, All Souls Day. What a rich and storied history of rituals and cultures all coming together to be celebrated and re-enacted and explored. And don't forget the Treats, of course! We can talk about it all, we celebrate it all, we reference the history and what tradition came from which culture, but basically, for my two, it comes down to one thing: Candy. Sigh. Sugar wins. As I guess sometimes it must.
Here we are, in preparation for our tricking and treating.

The Wicked Witch, Glenda the Good Witch, Mrs Darling (mother to Wendy, Micheal and John), Peter Pan, Tiger Lilly, Dorothy, Sunflower Lulu, the Magical Blue Fairy, Tinkerbell, the Fantastic Rainbow Fairy, Sunflower Liza, and Toto to!

Children, rapt at the prospect of Treats!

The best house on the block, of our entire journey actually!

recent bliss

2009-10-23T16:37:00.016-04:00

My man rocks the house, as we all know, and one day last week I came home and Voila! a new digi camera had arrived! Yippee! So I downloaded the last of the photos from Tita's camera, will run through all the most recent magic that has occurred, and get on with the business of life and documenting the bliss of it all.

Seen here with George/Jorge, my darling Cuban cousin whom I adore, with whom we mourned the loss of his wife with, recovering and living life to the fullest again. Happy. And gorgeous. And successful.

Now on the to meat of the daily matter, life back in Chez Barnas and the homeschool groove getting up and running. And It Is Good. Yes, it is. As part of our regular weekly co-op, we've joined a children's studio. Frida and Augustus take a ballet/tap/jazz class and I tell you tap has been a revelation. Is there anything as powerful as making music with your feet? Behold the hoofers~

Augustus in all his dance glory

Frida has recently taken to watching dance videos on YouTube, and interpretive dancing her way through life. Then we put her in dance and gymnastics classes and well, now she interpretive and studied dances her way through life. From the first second of the first class, Frida has been committed. I mean C-O-M-M-I-T-T-E-D. She does exactly what the instructor says to do, and watches herself do it to make sure she is doing it correctly, and her determination is visible. Last week the instructor, miss Alexandra said, Frida is a natural. She's going to be a wonderful dancer, you can see it already. Right I said?

And now, may I present to you, our most fabulous newly minted four year old, flanked by his sister and cousin, wearing their oh-so-fabulous aprons from Grandma Fran? Perfection.

At our darling Eleanor's house, celebrating Augustus' birthday with the crew, simultaneously making a double batch of cupcakes for later celebrations and Allie's birthday the following day.

Magdalena opened her very delightful Princess flower garden from Uncle Neil, Aunt Tam, and the darling Ariella and is awaiting the blossoming of her flowers as we speak. And Augustus had a very astro oriented day!
We had our family celebration at our favorite park on the river, complete with magical silver stars, cake, ice cream, pressies, and much fun. It was so windy, the only way to light the special Happy Birthday candles was to do so under the table, protected from the wind. And here we are! Happy Birthday my darling son!

After an epic game of hide and seek, with some brilliant statistical maneuvering from Tita Jeanna - she used a ladder to climb a tree to hide and while not so successful because no one move the ladder, it was a very creative and innovative move; she also hid in plain sight in a group of people enjoying the park right across the sidewalk from us, brilliant and totally successful, I never saw her - hot coco with whipped cream, and a brisk fall day, we thanked the universe for a perfect day at the park and went on home.

Celebrating Allie's seven year birthday at her ballerina themed b.d. party with our regular crew.
Being a homeschooling mama, I will admit that most of Magdalena's friendships have been the arranged kind, as in, I meet a mama I like, we start hanging out and homeschooling together, and tell our children - here are your friends! We are so so soooo lucky that a park very close to our house offers homeschool p.e. once a week for preschoolers, and then separated age groups of boys and girls. So there we were, on Tuesday, present for Frida and Augustus's pre-school p.e. class, and Magdalena said, but mama, who am I going to play with? Enter Marlena. Sparklie, beautiful, middle child of a family of eight children, all boys save for her, and you could practically see the sparks fly! Magdalena and Marlena hit it off bigtime. They came to me and Marlena's mama and said, y'all need to put each others phone numbers in your mobile phones because we really like each other and have sooooo much in common and want to hang out. Where's your phone? Did you get her number? Okay okay, yes darling I got it. I present Marlena, Magdalena's first made-on-her-own-friend, at their first playdate together at the zoo. And a lovely time was had by all.

Have I raved about our homeschool group lately? I mean, have I really and truly gushed about these families, these women, these children? Have I really and truly put to words the unbelievable creativity, love, respect and rhythm that these mamas provide to our children? I haven't? No, you're right, I haven't because I've been too busy living it to write about it. So let me gush. Every Monday we gather, and the rhythm begins. Led by Waldorf mama extraordinaire Jen and hosted by amazing young mama extraordinaire Eleanor, we gather. We have a few minutes of hang out and get re-acquainted after the weekend, sit and give thanks and snack on delicious wholesome protein, veggies and fruit. After a teeny bit of free time time later, the littles - four of them -get dressed out for dance class and off we go to the studio. While we're gone, the big girls do a specific art or craft or handwork project, related to whichever seasonal celebration we're acknowledging. Then the big girls dress out, go to the studio for an afternoon of ballet/tap/jazz or Spanish class, ballet, and musical theater and the little ones regroup at E's house, do the same craft or art or handwork stepped down for their little hands, and then have lots of free play time outside while us mamas hang out and usually knit, sew, cook, work on whichever project we have going on, until supper.

Here they are, working on their gorgeous wonderful quality wet-on-wet water colors of resist-wax pumpkins for our All Hallows Eve fall festival.
After supper, we round up the littles, go pick up our respective bigs, and head home after a full day of creativity, community, love and learning. It is beyond words, how wonderful our day is, how beautiful the rhythm and flow, and how easily everything moves along with song and gentle words when the children have a knowledge of what is expected of them.

Earlier today I received one of the most dear phone calls I've ever gotten in my life. The phone rang, and I heard, ya know, I wanted to tell you that I realized you are one of my favorite people on the planet. And the person telling me that happened to be one of my favorite people on the planet. And she happens to be my sister, bonus.

Which got me thinking of so many of my favorite people on the earth. And got me thinking about how blessed we truly truly are. I mean, if you had told me, about 15 years ago that this would be my life, I would have probably thought you totally coo-coo. Who knew I'd be so blessed? Who knew I'd be so blissed? Who knew I'd find my way? Who knew I'd be blessed with such an amazing husband and such delicious children? Who could have predicted that one? Maybe the Magical King of Neverland, Augustus aka Peter Pan aka King Fancy Pants. And I'll leave it at that.

at the end of the day...

2009-10-21T09:13:00.011-04:00

At the end of the day, Key West is now, always has been, and always will be, spectacular. Yes it's changed. It's true, used to be a sleepy fishing village. Yes, we lived there in grand style in chopped up fabulous houses insanely cheaply and windsurfed all day and danced all night and some say it's just not the same. But, well, neither are we.
Now we are grownups. Now my mom is Abuela and I am mama. Now we have these gorgeous creatures to share our lives with, to show all the beauty of the world to; to spend time basking in the glorious ocean with; to be in awe of the sunsets with; to quietly watch the sun sink beneath the horizon, salty and tired, letting the day wash over us with and I couldn't imagine a richer existence.

Key West rules.

Easter in October

2009-10-09T10:57:00.005-04:00

A friend of mine actually called me to check on us because the number she had for my mobile didn't work and I hadn't blogged in so long, she wanted to make sure we were ok. Thanks P., we're doing fine darling. And my brother-in-law asked me "So what's up with the blog?" I know, right? What happened to my weekly blogging commitment? Well, I started going to sleep at night (shocking I know) before 2am for my mental health and while I am not so irritable during the day now, I also have no blog posts! Sigh...

Anyhoo, since I don't have any new photos yet - still must retrieve them from Tita's camera, ours is broken and MIA - I thought I'd put up some as yet unseen Easter photos and just say Hello.

Hello!

One of my favorite new traditions is growing actual grass in our Easter baskets. It is so fun to plant the soak the wheat berries, put them in soil in the baskets and watch that grass grow like crazy! And if we were super harvesters, we could then cut it and juice it and have our very own wheat grass juice, but we have more fun just letting it grow.

we are salty impermanent kingdoms

2009-08-16T14:41:00.011-04:00

we are salty impermanent kingdoms

That caught my ear today while listening to A Prairie Home Companion. It's a line from poet Robert Bly and I remembered to document our impermanence.

We welcome the newest member of clan Barnas: Ariella Fiona Barnas. She is as delicious and wondrous as you might imagine.

A day of respite from un-Godly heat inside with the pros. Magdalena granny shot a strike. mmm-hmmm. That's our girl

The single most fabulous newly minted six-year-old girl on the planet. With her fairy garden birthday cake, doncha know.

Our darlings doing what they do best, being divine.

Cliched? Maybe. Delicious rich dark chocolate sheet cake surprise under all that whip cream? You betcha.

Patriotic and absolutely darling matching Fourth of July outfits for the children from the one and only Aunt Su-su and endless sparklers.

the last bit, a Cap's refresher, and public transportation

2009-06-29T00:38:00.008-04:00

Anne and Felix
I met my darling niece, Anne, and her man Felix and the baby in the belly. I have a niece that feels like my sister. I'm sure not to her, but to me because I don't always realize my age or that my darling brother Tommy married Ilona and started a family young. You know, young. So that means I have neices and nephews that are starting families. Ayyyy-yiii-yi! Connnnyyooo. Anne is gorgeous and funny and sweet and Felix is also. They are a beautiful couple and they are my family. Isn't that crazy? Good heavens could we be more blessed? Maybe, but that will come.

Anne and Luni both came outside and we were like, uhhh, did y'all plan that? And no, they hadn't. That is just who they are, and they are alike in all the most divine ways, as mother and daughter should be. You can't see them, but they are also wearing the exact same hot pink Puma flip flops. Swear.

Miami, or is it your-ami?

After a bizarre turn of events, I had the honor, the bitter-sweet honor I might add, of driving Tommy and Luni down to Miami to catch their flight back to Germany. I was mighty unhappy at the prospect of them leaving, so I had to spend every last second with them that I could. Here we are, at the international of the Miami airport. I think, in the end, we decided it was Our-ami.

Cap's

Hmmmm...well, let's just say that the aforementioned bizarre turn of events is that my dear sweet darling mum is no longer in the relationship, dare I say marriage, that we were celebrating only a short time ago. Need I explain, not really. There would be too much to say. I will say there are broken hearts, a deep sadness renewed, and much healing and moving on to be done.

On what felt like the hottest day of the year, so far, with the highest humidity you could possibly imagine, we went out to Cap's, one of our family's favorite restaurants. Favorite from way back, one of daddy's favorites. We went to celebrate mama, our family, and the dear friends we have that we love and cherish. We didn't talk about our recent heartache, we didn't dwell on "how mom is", we didn't talk about what could have been, we talked about regular life, about stuff. Now that I think about it, it was almost a ritual of sorts, going into the past to get through the present, and allow the future. Svitzing, sweating, and sweltering, we gave silent praise to mama, silent thanks to daddy, and broke bread together, as the family we are.

I haven't yet mentioned probably my favorite part of Cap's, now that I am a mama. I don't often get to go out to eat and relax. Going out to eat can be fun, like a three hour Pilates class would be fun, moments of grace and euphoria, simultaneously achieved with blood sweat and tears. But oh that Cap's, well, Cap's is situated right on the Inter-coastal waterway, with this gorgeous little beach right there next to the deck. Right there, yeah, where you can watch your children and sit and relax. Yeah. And maybe even have a coffee, or an appetizer before dinner, and not worry that there is going to be an imminent meltdown or need for one two or three children to have to go to the bathroom either all at once or one after the other. Yeah, crazy, I know, but we can actually have a leisurely dinner out. Oh that Cap's, that Cap's done stole my mama's happy heart.

Three divinely wet and delicious and happy children, who also happen to love Cap's. Did I mention that the food happens to be incredible? No? Bonus.

(Can I tell you the craziest part? I always - dude - always have the beach bag in the back of the Mitsu. It's where it lives. So doncha know, the week before this event I cleaned the back of the car completely out so a washing machine would fit back there. Hence Augustus swimming in bloomers - which can I say is way better that his normal swimming attire which consists of his very tan skin that only has one tan line existing between his cute little butt cheeks - and Magdalena rocking the pink sari skirt suit)

Public Transportation

I am always looking for ways to spice up our urban adventure, and reducing our carbon foot-print to boot, so when Mandy asked us to host Henry for an afternoon playdate with us, I jumped at the chance to pack four children onto our fair city's finest public transportation. First, a skyway ride to the Main Downtown Library for story time and a river themed art class. Then on down to Hemming Plaza for our local Friday afternoon fresh market, yummy food, and art fair. After eating and listening to the live music and getting sufficiently roasted, we jumped back on the ole skyway to head to the main hub of the public bus system to hitch a ride on E-5, yellow line, to take us to the Kids Kampus for water and splash park fun, and a bike ride through the mini mock-up of the downtown built just for this purpose. What an adventure it was!

As you can see, Magdalena looks like an old pro, like, yeah, we ride the bus all the time and this is what I always do after the library whilst awaiting our next chariot. Ha!

Once we were on the bus the fun began, in earnest. Augustus said "this is like a roller-coaster!" I think, honestly, the best part was that they were in a moving vehicle, a rapidly moving heaving beast of a vehicle I might add, and they were not strapped in. Nope, nary a car seat or seat belt in sight. What joy! What freedom! What danger as Augustus attempted to move from one spot to another as the bus was coming to a quick and abrupt halt! Hi Augustus! Bye Augustus! I'm pretty sure he won't do that again. We did have a group conversation about holding on at all times after that, ya think?

a word in edgewise

2009-05-24T22:18:00.005-04:00

At times it seems as if I inhabit two worlds, or rather many different worlds, simultaneously. There's the world of our family sleep over date with some of our favorite people in the world. We met two families at the now oh so incredible art and fresh market, under the bridge of all places, on the north bank of the St. John's River for run around and get out of the house time after almost a full week of rain rain rain. And many many many children inside for many many hours of many many days, straight. Oh glorious break in the rain, we thank you. Bricked in paths; grassy, landscaped parts; a stage with the river as a backdrop; room to run and jump and hide and seek; what more could three mamas, one partner, and six children ask?

Then home for creative free play with the tree house, silks, and music whilst the mamas knitted or cooked or kneaded or shopped or tended. Goat cheese so good Shazza said it was "cheese-gastic" or maybe she said she had a "cheese-gasm", I don't remember which, with bits of pineapple, grape, strawberry, basil or sun dried tomato for snacking upon during the rising of the pizza dough. Then a late dinner, tired children, yummy dessert, baths, stories and bedtime. Two mamas up talking until late in the evening, some switching of beds and comforting of little ones, and blessed sleep. It's a shame small children sometimes do not understand the joy of leisurely sleeping until 9am, or at least 8. Up and more stories, a pear and apple dutch oven pancake large enough for a legion, cafe con leche, sunlight and giggling children. Bliss. Absolute bliss I tell you. But I don't live there.

There is also the what-is-my-major-malfunction-that-I-cannot-keep-my-house-clean world, not my favorite. Saturday, before we left to meet our peeps, I wanted to white tornado the house, a la Jeanna, my sister the speed cleaner. Not so much. I'm just slow, and, well that is it. My goal was to have a (relatively) clean house to come home to after I picked Ethan up from the airport on Sunday, sans the five, yes five, loads of clean unfolded laundry that is "curing" (as Ethan says) and the oh... four or five more on the laundry room floor. I pretty much reached that goal, with much blood sweat and tears, on my part. Except of course for the laundry, I got about two loads put away and two off the floor. I don't model appropriate "pick-up-your-things-as-you-go" behavior to my children very well so why am I surprised that they have not yet honed that skill? Some mornings it takes me hours to get the kitchen cleaned, in between having coffee, feeding children, and getting the day started. Magdalena volunteered to do the kitchen and bathroom floors, sweep and mop, if I helped her fold her cloths. Sounded like a great deal to me, and she did a bang-up job to boot! That's one good thing. Anyway, so there's that world.

Then there's the world of me the AP group leader, a fairly well put-together mom who has strong values and is grounded in the world of attachment parenting; a mama who acts as a resource for parents; a mama who honestly shares her experiences in the world of parenting and supports other mamas and papas in finding their true north in responsive, non-violent parenting.

Another is the world of my family, me as daughter, sister, sister-in-law, step-daughter, cousin, niece. That world is what brought me to Florida, that is the world that has old baggage, new baggage, familiarity that is absolute comfort, surprising revelations, relationships that I have been in for 43 years, 18 years, almost four years, two years, and about six months. It is a world of deep, rich and abiding love. It is a world of imminent mortality because we are not so young, right, especially mum. It is a world of little regret, abundant forgiveness, and budding possibility that holds much of my heart in a constant embrace. I have a long and storied history of ambivalence about my family - they are the best family in the world; I want to fix and control them; I can't live without them; they make me crazy; ok, let's move back to the dessert; I will never leave them. Sigh.

My family, my husband, my children. That world alone can be as simple or complex as I make it, but it in itself has layers upon layers, worlds within worlds. I'm mama, lover, homemaker, wife, care-giver, teacher, creative force, heart of the family. Listen, I'm not saying it's all me, nope, not at all. We are each equally contributors to this family. But, we do have an old-school traditional marriage, me and my man, and it works for us. His AOR is work outside the home, the yard, and the maintenance of our fleet. haha. Mine is inside the home. The children are our AOR, but I'm the primary, so that is just the way it breaks down. This mama is the heart of the home, and I fall short and excel every day.

There's my homeschooling world, my social world, my roadtrip fetish that must be honored, little worlds of different circles of friends, my fellowship/spiritual community world.

They all exist, simultaneously, wrapped in and around each other, eeking out all over the place, connected, inter-connected, compartmentalized, just like life. Worlds within worlds, layers upon layers. I move through them and in them switching hats, picking up habits and sayings and behaviors, adapting, embracing, rejecting, detaching, enmeshing, shedding skin that doesn't fit, getting rigid here, more flexible there, keeping time by the beating of our hearts, pumping love in, pumping love out.

my life as it stands, or, 40 photos and some words

2009-05-16T00:02:00.021-04:00

How does one caption an entry that covers visits from out of town friends, a four mile hike on Talbot Island with the children, my brother's arrival from Germany (if you don't know about Tommy, you can read about him here: http://connorbarnas.blogspot.com/2007/09/meet-tommy-from-berlin-germany.html ), Easter,my mom's wedding...that's right, I said my mom's wedding. Freeeaaaaakkkyyyyyy, I know.
On to the life at hand. The entry is mostly backwards because I couldn't get the photos to do what I normally do to get them in order, and it's so long anyway that really, does it matter?

March 28

The tail end of the hike on Talbot Island. At this point the children were pretty cold and totally worn out, and Augustus and Frida make it look so sweet.

Magdalena and I taking a break, right when we got to the beach, after about three hours of hiking, before the children all got wet and naked. The post is on the very bottom of the blog, and I could not for the life of me get these photos down there.

April 26

Tommy's Birthday!

The day after the wedding, I was a bit on the groggy side. I woke up at 5:30am the day of the wedding, waaaaayyy to excited to sleep, and we stayed up late dancing and smoking cigars and celebrating, so Sunday I was a bit slow. But there was more to celebrate! Tommy's birthday, another cake to bake - a sunshine and oranges cake, I had 20 yolks just begging to be used in a cake, so this is the cake you bake after you make a white cake. And while the presentation may not have been perfect (I didn't know I needed three small cake pans, so what if one layer was square.) the cake was pretty darn yummy. Also on that day, Ethan's mama and her husband, Fran and John arrived. It was all rather perfect and lovely, sitting out on the Houston's porch, oaks arching overhead, looking out at the river. Really, a lovely ending to a humongous weekend.

April 25

The Wedding

I must say, this is one of my favorite photos, my mom looks so great! She looks so happy, she just got married, and she's celebrating with our family.

Maybe if I had been posting all along, like a real blogger, I would tell you the story of Emmett, but here? On the day of the wedding? Isn't this post long enough? Suffice it to say that we prayed that my mom would fall in love again, and she did. Head over heals. Like a teenager she was! And that, in itself, is a good thing.

Dance my brother! Dance my sister!

The Cake. Baked my first three tier wedding cake. It was a smashing success. Delicious and gorgeous. 'Nuff said.

Some of the family members, together with the bride and groom. I finally realized the day of the wedding that Emmett was going to officially be my step-father. How bizzar-o! I was a bit obnoxious about it all, I think I was in shock. I kept saying things to whoever was around, Hey, have you met my step-brother Patrick? or the same for his brother, Emmett, and the same again for Emmet that married my mom. There are actually five of them, three of them living. The youngest is the the fifth, and when referencing him in conversation, some just say "five", it helps with the confusion.

Going to chapel and we're ...

April 21

Nick and Tommy headed off to the Jacksonville Beach pier at about 5:30 in the morning to get some fishing in with the locals. One of Tommy's favorite things on the planet are pelicans, so imagine his joy when they got this close to one! Nick shot a video of Tommy feeding him. Those are some crazy birds.

April 20

Brothers golfing. Can I just say how much I love to use the plural of "brother", "brothers"? I have brothers. I mean, can you believe that I have brothers? One day Anthony brought Tommy over to my house and I was on the phone to someone and I said, well, I have to go, my brothers are coming over. Simple as you like, like, yeah, ya know I have brothersssssssssssss. Wow, it still boggles my mind. And that I have nieces and nephews. That are grown ups. That have children. Ok, that, well, that's just weird. But brothers, now that's something I can sink my teeth into.

Easter Sunday

Mom and her new man, now husband but then not quite, Emmett.

Easter and we gather.

March 30

Tommy and Luni arrive! I know, you've seen photos of them and read stories, but this is our first day on the beach together and it was a day of great joy and feasting!

April 26

The day after the wedding, while we were at Jeanna's for Tommy's bd party, Augustus just pooped out. And you know I cannot resist a sleeping photo of him, nope, just can't do it. Wouldn't be prudent. And who knew he would be Max again, in April?

April 19-24

Snowbirds unite! Our darling visitors from Vermont picked a perfect time to visit, not a cold snap or a cloud in site. Pictured below with Augustus is Redmond, a heavenly gorgeous 18-year-old who I used to nanny for when she was 2 1/2. Uhhh, yeah, right. Anyhoo, hopefully she'll pick JU as her school of choice and we will get to adopt her as our own. At least during the academic year. As you can see, Augustus is smitten, as was Magdalena, as was Frida. Who wouldn't be?

All in the family out at my favorite fish shack, the real name of which I can never remember.

Augustus as just a head.

Augustus loves to get buried in the sand, and Nick had a unique was of accomplishing it. Usually, we just lay him down and pile a bunch of sand up and over him, packing in on, and he'll stay buried for an unusually long time, he strangely loves it. Nick digs a hole, so the effect is straight from Jeremiah Johnson, and just as disturbing.

Magdalena, right before she busts out of the sand like super girl!

Pj telling stories to Magdalena and Augustus, and possibly eating a piece of coral.

Tommy and Luni spent a day with us, doing our Friday library gig. We spent the afternoon after the library in Friendship Park. Isn't that the best name for a park? And it is lovely, right there on the St. John's.

March 28

(the beginning of the post is on the bottom)
A bit more than halfway through the hike, and about three hours into it, we hit the beach and naked children ruled the day.

a perfect perch, and a funny face from Augustus

Our first snack break, less than a mile into the four mile hike.

This was at the very beginning of the hike, before we realized that with a toddler, two two-year-olds, a three-year-old, and a five-year-old, we were just going to have to Make Time, and not dawdle over interesting or educational stuff from our 32 week pregnant park ranger guide.

Just because.

Don't you have photos of when you were a child, in the bathtub with your siblings or cousins, doing this exact same thing? I do. My mom used to keep one taped to the inside of an often used cabinet in the kitchen of the house I grew up in. Keeps ya humble.

March 20-23

During the big roadtrip, Ethan would tell me, you're on lockdown for '09. And after 40 days and 7000 miles, could you blame him? Well, but then there's family, and graduations, and a four day weekend up to GA doncha know. Of course I snuck a visit with Lorie Jean and family in there, which was stellar as always. We got to attend five-year-old Haper's birthday party at Leapin' Lizards, and if you can imagine a warehouse filled with those blow-up bouncy houses and slides, then you can imagine Leapin' Lizards. And now imagine it with cake. And juice boxes. Let 'er rip baby! Of course my sweet Augustus got stuck at the top of a rather large, curvy slide and while I rescued him Magdalena manned the ladder with a full body check to anyone who tried to sneak past, saying, MY MOM IS GETTING MY BROTHER, HE'S SCREAMING, NOBODY GOES UP. She's loyal, that one, all big sister.

Sweet Ouni, named such by Magdalena who at almost two years old could not say "Courtney", graduated to become a full-fledged hair dresser, so we had a classic family party at her folks house. We drove out to see Zach's horses, where he keeps his horse and helps run the ranch. Nothing is as soft as a horse's velvet-y nose, and nothing is as sweet as colt breath.

a perfect Georgia day, a beautiful family, and love love love

March 1-6, 2009
First week in March and my dear friends come to visit sunny Florida from pretty darn cold and snowy and rainy North Carolina and but wouldn't you know, it was freezing while they were here. Ok, maybe not "freezing" by some peoples standards who live in Butte, but freezing for us and especially for the campers out at Hanna Park. But ya know, things have a funny way of working out. After two nights of being comfortable only fully dressed under layers of blankets, unable to get out of bed for the cold, Mark, Jessica, Ben and Maiya made the trip into town to hang out at our house, be warm, and play. We spent the day cooking, talking, and being warm. Warm enough for them to stay the night with us so they could be comfortable and well, ya know, clean. (showering in park showers in 45 degree weather is nobod'y's idea of fun, at least, nobody I know) I always have adored slumber parties.

A wonderful thing happens when there are eight people hanging out inside a nine hundred square foot house, you tend to get close, physically, metaphorically, emotionally. The cold snap gave me a rare and sweet gift, that of love and support for my darling LaShell's, and the gift of 24 hours together in a house with an entire family. It's not something we plan, but it is something we cherish.

hijinks ensue... Yoda, reincarnated as Maiya, the butterfly mentalist. Forward this photo to 10 people NOW and wait and see what happens!

A warm day inside Casita Rosa, and art abounds

wrap it up

2009-04-04T08:18:00.009-04:00

(do I have to mention that the post date is wrong, again?)
Have I mentioned that I am sleeping about 10 hours a night lately? There has to be some explanation for my disappearance from the blog, the pile of dishes in the kitchen, two overflowing baskets of folded laundry that has yet to make it to bedrooms let alone into drawers, and the general lack of tidiness here at Chez Barnas. Sigh. So here it is, a cursory finale to the roadtrip entries, a quick zip through the last two weeks which will not begin to do it justice, but must be getting on.

We left California with hearts filled with love and a brain full of ideas, and headed straight into the desert to visit my dearest darlings Niko and Kerry and their son Roman. It was a much-needed but too short connection. The children played, we hung out and talked and steeped in the hot-tub under the stars late into the evening. No photos (Niko, send some my way!) mainly because I was lazy and Niko was snapping away.

Around 1pm, way later than our E.T.D., we headed out to drive straight through to Albuquerque. Just so you can appreciate the total lunacy of this proposition, it is approximately 700 miles from Palm Springs to Burque, with the estimated travel time of 10 hours and 17 minutes. Uuhhhh, yeah, maybe but not so much when traveling with the Herd of Turtles Barnas family. At almost 10pm, just before Starbucks closes, in lovely snow-covered Flagstaff Arizona, I called my girlfriend in Albuquerque and said sooooooo, maybe we'll be in by 3am-ish, if I can stay awake and my children stay asleep and she said bring it! So on we did travel. If one does have to drive in the darkness, winding through mountains, one should choose to do it on a clear, cloudless night, with the brightest full moon of the year, through the most spectacular snowy landscape around Flagstaff. My goodness but it was incredibly beautiful. Partially because I was shocked at my good fortune to have clear skies, the "brightest full moon of the year", and a snow covered landscape to drive through and partially because I needed to stay awake, I called everybody that I could think of to share the moment with. That is, everybody that would still be awake and whose number I had already programed in my new phone. That is, to say, my husband.

Now, if there were not a party planned for me at 2pm the following day, it would not have mattered so much that I drive like a bat out of you-know-where straight through, but alas, we do live on the edge.

Maura, Jessica and Chrystyne. Jessica hosted our lovely afternoon soiree, with friends and families we have not seen in over two years, lovely lovely lovely. Lovely food (Augustus helped himself, repeatedly, to a plate of cookies as his main course), wonderful friends in an amazing home. Jessica's homes are always amazing, that is her M.O. Gorgeous man, gorgeous surroundings, and much love to give. We stayed at Chez Chrystyne, in her new digs that she literally moved into the day we arrived, we don't leave any space for error.

Augustus had more fun than you can imagine playing and wrestling and rough-housing with Merrik and Kenny. At one point, they were marching through the backyard and I asked "Where's Magdalena?" "inside, watching football with Ronnie." Yeah, I know, that's my daughter. Crazy, the football fan. All she has to know is who your team is and she is on board. She identifies the teams by color, the red team, the blue team, the guys with the long black stretchy pants...So there she sat, a friend for life with Ronnie, Kenny's mama, watching the game.

Augustus stole the heart's of all the girls, and Beth just could not get enough. She's always been a kid magnet, and mine are no different. The next day Beth lent us the coolest new-style sleds and off we went to a little park on Sandia Mountain for Magdalena and Augustus's first snow sledding oh-so-fabulous experience. We did not go on the big "sledding" hill, no way. Magdalena found her perfect sledding spots on stream beds that were covered in snow, and may I say but it was on! She never stopped, for a second. A natural born sledder, cautious in just the right way, but out there like she was born to it. Augustus, well, he took a bit of convincing, and just kept saying, as I pulled him, "Don't run mama! No!"

Our dear dear friends Lou and Suzanne met us up on the mountain for the sledding adventure, to be followed by super yummy pizza and quesadillas at the bottom of the mountain, a perfect apres-sled snack.

We took a wrong turn at Albuquerque and ended up in Santa Fe on our way south to Cruces to spend the afternoon tea with our girl Krista.

We left the great northern New Mexico for southern parts, the last visit before we began our homeward journey. We stayed with our friends Nora, Jon and their children Zephyr and Jubilee. You can read about our stay here:

http://noradawn.blogspot.com/2009/02/and-way-that-i-fell-for-you-ill-never.html
Let me say that staying at Nora and Jon's house is a gift in itself, for the this-is-who-we-are-and-we-live-it comfort vibe, for the matching pajama show at bedtime each night, for the home-made bread served with home-made jam and coffee mornings, and for Kamy living around the corner and coming over for coffee my first, second and last mornings.

But wait, there's more. There's Nora herself, and then there's Jon, and add to that Zephyr who is a buddy of Magdalena's from way back, and Jubilee who joined the family since our departure. When I first met Nora and Jon, I was totally intimidated by them. They seemed so...perfect. Fit, beautiful, respectful of the earth and so much of what that entails, kind, educated, well-spoken, gentle, peaceful, passionate and well-informed. And they did yoga. And they sat up straight! So I thought they might be unapproachable, but they're not. That's the kicker, not only are they all that and a bag of locally grown baked by the sun packaged in a reusable bag of chips, but they are nice, friendly and immanently approachable.

I used to cruise into town (I lived an hour and twenty minutes, door-to-door from Kamy and Nora back in NM) and stay with my midwife and darling friend Kamy and, inevitably, Nora would show up with Zephyr for evening hang-outs and chats, and it finally dawned on me...she's coming to hang out not just with Kamy, but me. Imagine, me. Yes I admit it, I was flattered. Slowly our friendship grew and I realized we had, over sporadic time and space, become dear dear friends. I realized another amazing woman/mama had become part of my life, one of those friends who warrant a roadtrip, one of the folks who make up our extended life family that spreads from hear to California, and on over to Australia.

There is so much more to say about our stay, but really I've already blown my zoom through the last part of the trip, I've been on this post for days now, so I'll let that be enough. Besides, I gave you a link to Nora's description of our stay, so take advantage of it, you can get a taste of Nora magic.

After conveniently locking my keys in the car as I was packing up to drive to Austin, TX, we rambled on out of our old home state and into the wild flat west that is West Texas, and finally, around nine pm, into the beautiful rolling green hills of Austin. We stayed there with Cristina, artist extraordinaire whom I met while living in Granada (you can check out her stuff here: http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6159789, and her beloved husband Sean. No photos again, sometimes I do just get lazy. Cristina - an art teacher - had the jumbo set of colored pencils and Magdalena drew what is now known as "my favorite drawing that she has ever done that she gave to Cristina", this crazy fish underwater that proves she is a protegee. Sigh. The proof is on the fridge.

After a night of art and revelry, we drove on through to a hotel in Baton Rouge, LA and ya know sometimes, it is just the funnest thing in the world to do, stay in a hotel with two children who have been cooped up in a car all day. Aren't hotel beds designed for jumping? I mean, c'mon, really. As we were wandering the halls looking for the closest ice machine which was not very close at all, as I watched them run and skip down the hall giggling maniacally I thought, this is a moment we will always have. This trip, this place, this hall. My two precious children, all clean and sweet and in their favorite p.j.'s, running ahead of me, ready for the revered hotel room.

Finally, yes I said Finally, the last stop of the trip, Uncle Neil and Aunt Tammy, there in Florida, in the panhandle, waiting for us with (I expected no less) super yummy snacks and love for us all. There was much to see, the preparation of the room for the baby to come, the one nestled in Tammy's baby bump, the handiwork from Neil, the crafty work of Tammy. We hung out, we played, the children rolled all over Uncle Neil, and we relaxed.

And that my sweet friends, was that. We went out to a local diner, the Iron Skillet, for seriously amazing burgers and fries before we hit the road on what was the last push on the last day of our 40 day and 7000 mile extravaganza. We stopped in Tallahassee at our regular Starbucks and did a dance of glee because that was to be our last stop, 2 1/2 hours out of Jacksonville. We arrived home in the nick of time, kissed our sweet kitty Belly, admired the pink tulips Jeanna had awaiting us, and thanked God and the universe for our safe return.

Pasedena part dos and Cali rocks! (or, more bits from the road trip)

2009-03-04T13:01:00.016-05:00

(Ignore the post date, that is when I started this entry, today is March 16, and it's taken me this long to actually post)
Again with the no blogging! What's going on here? Well, it seems I have the sleeping sickness. Have you read Gabriel Garcia Marquez? Well I have it. I could just sleep and sleep and sleep and sleep. All the time.
I feel like I am forgetting moments and details, and part of the reason I blog is because I don't scrapbook or baby book or photo book, so if it's not here, it might not be anywhere but in the chasms and recesses of my mind and sometimes, well, let's just say, they are not so accessible. So here is a bit more before it all becomes a fog.

After the Rose Bowl parade, Magdalena, Augustus and I headed over to my friend Lena's house, also in Pasadena. I met Lena on the Greek Isle of Ios about 20 years ago (what?). We were staying in the same hostel, about $7 American a night, overlooking this insanely gorgeous bay where we could see dolphins or maybe I'm just making that up, but anyway it was idyllic and amazing and looked exactly like every postcard you have ever seen of Greek Isles. I remember telling a friend of mine that I wanted to meet some people from California on the trip so I would know somebody out there to go live with, and whom do I meet but Lena. She stared at me, asked me questions, and I was as intrigued by her as she me. Who was this fabulous woman, travelling with these three gorgeous men? Or rather, back then I would have said who was this girl travelling with these boys? They called us Thing 1 and Thing 2, and we knew we were best friends forever. So off me and my two children go to visit. The last time I saw Lena was about 18 months ago on my last jaunt to LA, we spent the day together at the beach, and I fell in love with her all over again, and with her children, and with Jamie (Lena's best friend who is also my friend from when I lived here) and her daughter Harper. On this trip we wanted more so an overnight date was arranged and glorious fun was had by all.
Lena has two daughters, Juliette and Samantha, or Juju and Sam. Here is the breakdown:

Magdalena hanging with Juju, taking it all in, totally enamored with her older, a bit more sophisticated friend and:

Augustus and Sam, with Sam as big girl in charge and Augustus totally in love with Sam and her special attention. When we were here last time, Sam held and played with Augustus all day at the beach. We were pretty amazed when as soon as he saw here, all this time later, he ran into her arms. Love at second sight, all over again.

In the morning Jamie and Harper came over for breakfast fun and a hang out. We were going to go to the park but the fog never lifted so we took over Lena's house for the day. And Lena just had to suck it up baby. Harper is gorgeous and also took to Augustus, oblivious to her cast and observing no limitations.

Of course because we are in California Lena has an orange tree and a tangerine tree simply loaded with fruit. All the low fruit had been picked, so here are Jamie and I in our tragic attempt to pull down the higher fruit with an orange picker. Not always so successful but we did get enough oranges to have fresh o.j. for almost every person at Jessie's for the next ten days.

Back to Jessie's house and her baby bump, back to our little life in LA, and on with the oranges! There are so many stories to tell, so many moments to remember and cherish! I met Jessica on her 19th birthday, about 18 years ago when I was living in Venice, CA working at a health food restaurant named A Votre Sante in Venice. She came in and baby it was the beginning of something special. We have been in more cities together than almost anybody else I know, save for my family: LA, NYC, Atlanta, Jacksonville, Boston, Key West, Oakland, San Francisco, Albuquerque, Santa Fe, Taos, Alamogordo. She is my West Coast Jessie, she is my sister in homeschooling, parenting, center-of-the-home-SAHM-mama-ing. When she heard about the trip, she said come here and live for a month! Well, almost, 12 days was what we did. We watched our children play, bond, become friends, and lived together like family. Magdalena and Saiya, Augustus and Cheyenne call each other "heart sisters" and "heart brothers".

On the first Sunday of the New Year, we accompanied Jessica, Saiya, and Cheyenne to a Brazilian dance class in Venice, near the beach. It was a special class to welcome in the new year with a special blessing, then more blessings down on the beach. We wore all white and fell in love with dancing together to live drums. Oh the blessing of dance itself! Augustus, Magdalena and I danced together in the foyer, right outside the class proper. The beating drums, the dancing, the energy was building building building, until the end of the class, where the dancers dance for the drummers, each dancer thanking the drummers with movement. There we joined the entire class in circle and danced into the middle, thanking the drummers with our joy and our dance and our children's movements and laughter.
At the beach we were blessed, again, with scented oil and water, walking down to the edge of the ocean, offering fresh flowers and rose petals to God and the universe.

The children and their after-the-blessing Goldsworthy-esque offering.

My Venice Beach mamas, Jessica and Rana

After a bit of time with our West Coast family, the children found their groove and their rhythm. Augustus and Cheyenne realized that this was how boys got to hang out together, and Cheyenne would call throughout the house, "Augustus Wolfe! Augustus Wolfe!", calling out to his buddy, his boy, his friend. They played together without once -no hyperbole - fighting over a toy or truck or turn. It was unbelievable.

Now, Magdalena and Saiya, well, they fell into a bit of a different rhythm. Is it a girl thing? Is it a first born thing? Is it a four and five year old thing? Is it a personality thing? Probably all of those things, or a bit of each, but man oh man, we had to intervene more than once, and the level of joy experienced by those two dear girls was equally matched by the level of desperate heartache over a doll or dress or spot on the bed. In their defense, it is not often that a four year old girl has to all of a sudden share everything, and I mean everything - her mom, her space, her brother, her toys, her dress up, her art supplies with two marauding interlopers. Nor is it often that a five year old girl is on a six week roadtrip, without all of her own familiar things life events family. We knew that on days when they woke up and were on from 8-ish in the am till 7-ish in the pm, with a homeschool coop date in the middle, or maybe just a swim in the backyard, or a trip to the beach, (which was every day, by the way) well we knew that a few breakdowns here and there were not only fine, but barely a blip on the radar of our time in general.

We all fell into such a blissful, tangible love and easy friendship that it was hard to imagine that we hadn't always been there, and wouldn't be there forever.

blue sky, outside and strong girl

2009-03-01T01:04:00.004-05:00

Really? It's been that long? February 17? Wow. I feel like I went underwater there for a bit, and have resurfaced, thank you very much.

We went to the library a week ago Friday and then down to Hemming Plaza for lunch al fresco and a bit of the old urban experience. We'll take it where we can get it here. It was one of those magically beautiful winter Florida days, blue blue sky, warm sun, cool air, perfect. The children couldn't have been more beautiful, more fun, or more darling if they'd tried.

Today my darling children took the art table out back for some al fresco painting and drawing. It was, of course, another perfect winter Florida day. I was talking to a friend of mine up in Iowa City and I said, you won't believe this but it's like 75 degrees here. I forget how warm Florida is compared to most of the rest of the country. She, however, did not. Anyhoo, we were busy doing chore type stuff, just having a home day, and Magdalena and Augustus were having the ultimate day of free play. The art table soon became a soaked by the water colors, and then it morphed into an experiment involving tensile strength, water and butcher paper, then a clean up project, all with zero input from the mama.

I was with a friend back in NM and he asked me, as he watched M. and A. run around giggling maniacally and having a ball with each other, "do they always get along like this?" to which I answered, yeah, basically. Don't get me wrong, they do fight a bit, but for the most part, they are best friends. Magdalena announced the other morning, as she hugged Augustus on the couch, that she loved him the best of all. Better, she made sure to qualify, than me, than papa, than abuela, than anybody. Yep, that was the verdict, Magdalena loves Augustus best of all. To which I say bravo.

And finally, what Magdalena has dubbed "strong girl". As in,"mama watch. I'm doing strong girl". Which is her shimming up the door jam, a la a rock climber in a chimney, until her head reaches the top. My oh my, but what a strong girl.

2009 and a Pasadena day

2009-02-17T09:19:00.005-05:00

Have you seen the Rose Bowl Parade? Maybe on TV? Maybe you've been there? I'm sure, at some point in my life -surrounded as I have been by my football fan family members - I've seen the Rose Bowl Parade on TV, but I don't have a specific recollection of oh wow, it's New Years Day, time to turn on the telly and watch the Rose Bowl Parade! So when my dear darling friend Jen of Jacksonville Beach heard of our travel plans and invited us to the actual Rose Bowl Parade in Pasadena, I thought, yeah well... we'll see, I dunno, I couldn't imagine waking up early and schlepping the children from the west side of LA all the way to Pasadena in traffic at 7:30 in the morning. I did not realize the magnitude of the invite. Jen's family lives less than a block off the parade route, her father spends the week before the parade keeping his chunk of sidewalk and median clear of interlopers by spray-painting a boundary line around their family spot, then the night before - New Years Eve, of course - hearty family members actually spend the night out there, camping out in their spot.

It is, as I found out, a huge deal to have the kind of access to the parade I was being offered. At the homeschool coop party the day before, I met a mama who planned to wake her family up and be out the door by 5am to get a decent spot and watch the parade. All I had to do was be in Pasadena by 8:30am, go directly to the corner of her street, call Jen and tell her I'm there, and let the policemen know that yes I can drive down this street, my friend is bringing my pass. And voila, it's like a backstage pass to the most anticipated parade of the year. We arrive at Jen's house and are ushered back the long driveway of a terribly sweet California ranch house, draped with Christmas lights and fronted by (what else?) rose bushes, and squeezed into the tiniest space we can get into in the back yard to maximize parking, in the yard, did I mention that? We found ourselves in the midst of an annual family extravaganza, the matriarch from Mexico, the patriarch from France, five daughters, dozens of cousins, brewed Starbucks coffee with heated cream and raw sugar, and a card table set up at the parade route with more coffee, local doughnuts and wonderful pastries. Who knew?

Lulu, Magdalena, and Augustus

watching the parade, sometimes napping

A couple of hours after the parade, after feasting and playing, we walked the two blocks over to the area where the floats were and with the tickets Jen's family had because they live there, we went and checked out the floats up close. That was anticlimactic at best, but the real treat was the climbing tower. Oh. My. Goodness. They're so so cool, and best of all it was free! Just requiring about a twenty minute wait in line and they were off!

Lulu took to the wall like she was born to climb, Magdalena put her skills to use, getting about 1/2 way up, and I had to cajole Augustus to actually get on the wall and stop using the harness like a bungee jump.

The best part of all of it, better than the parade, better than the coffee (and it was good), better than the rock wall, was the joy of a west coast playdate with one of our favorite families, some of our dearest buddies from Jacksonville all the way out there, in the middle of six weeks away from home. That was the best part, spending the afternoon sitting on the front porch with Jen, watching our children play their creative games together, and later, inside, singing songs and taking turns telling stories and listening to the children's stories. Just like home, just like life, out in Pasadena.

happy Saint Valentine's Day to you

2009-02-14T21:57:00.005-05:00

The work of Valentines is all about love, glue, cardstock, chocolate, sweet confections, flowers. This year, we managed to hit all the notes. Friday I was caught! No lace doilies, no red construction paper, no glitter! So we did it a bit different, and water colors, water -color paper, cardstock, glue and a pack of alphabet stamps later, we had our very own gorgeous Valentines.

Magdalena did each step of hers herself, the hearts, how she drew on them and decorated them, cutting them out, and designing her cards and gluing them together and they are stellar. I drew the hearts on water color paper for Frida and Augustus, they painted what they wanted - Augustus filled in every square millimeter, Frida doodled and did light gorgeous painting - then I cut out the hearts and they designed and glued them on. We don't have a shot of Frida's, but you can imagine them from her watery-blue painting, they turned out luminous and lovely. Inside, using letter stamps, they put their messages of Valentine love.

My Valentines came a day early, from my hard-working man. He came home early, we were all a-twitter, and he went back out to the van, returned bearing gifts - classic, Valentines bring-home-to-the-wife gifts, crazy beautiful arranged flowers in a speckled pink glass vase and our favorite box 'o chocolates from a local chocolatier. The chocolates were gone in a short order frenzy, and the flowers are just getting more beautiful as the flowers open more. Jeanna came over today and said, "oh my God! Look at your flowers!"

(notice, in the bottom photo, under the fern, a tiny Our Lady of La Leche statue, from my mom! I just had to sneak her in there. She brought her to me after she visited the shrine, she said Our Lady's dedication to motherhood reminded her of me. Ok, I'm faclempt, talk amongst yourselves.)

Today we were dedicated to the task of making our Valentines celebration of love and sugar complete with chocolate covered strawberries (Florida winter strawberries, from Plant City, are really some of the yummiest strawberries on the planet, except maybe for some summer strawberries I had in Vermont many years ago). And while I was busy in the kitchen putting together the cake, so I have no photos of the process, the children did these strawberries under Tita's watchful eye. They turned out so perfect, and the babes had a ball doing them, so proud they were of their handiwork they even waited until they had finished cooling off in the fridge before devouring them. Of course the evening was to be topped off by the yummy buttermilk heart-shaped cake with a beet-juice pink cream cheese frosting, lightly sprinkled with red sugar, homemade vanilla ice cream and homemade chocolate sauce but we were thwarted. At 7pm my man got a work call, 7pm on a Valentine's day Saturday. Sigh. Life calls. Anyhoo, the children are in bed, he should be home soon, and we'll have a late night dessert, together.

Happy Saint Valentine's Day to you all.

California begins

2009-02-13T22:12:00.009-05:00

California, we have arrived! There was much woo-hooing and cheering and ballyhooing as we passed from Arizona into California, coast-to-coast, we were there! We drove an easy straight shot into San Diego and wanting to take a break, have some food, get gas, and have some run-around time, we pulled off the 805 freeway having no idea where we were, just looking for food and green space. We promptly got a bit, well not lost but confused because there were no gas stations in sight, only crazy urban suburbia spreading out before us. We persevered, found a gas station, asked the attendant the fastest way back to the freeway because we could not get on going north where we got off, and he pointed due west, said you can't miss it. Right before the freeway was a grocery store, bingo, now for that green space...well, let's just drive over the freeway a bit and see what we see...and we saw heaven. A huge park, a playground, and children running and jumping and playing. And ya know what? There was also a Starbucks right around the corner, ha! Boy do we love California.
The park was so classic California, a cross-cultural slice of our dense American pie. We set up a spot with our blanket and fruits and cheese and popcorn and sparkling water and off my little ones went to join the ruckus. Across the playground were concrete picnic tables, where the "old world" contingent of the large group of Muslim families set up. The older women were fully covered in flowing black robes and head scarves, faces covered except for their eyes, the younger women, with white or black scarves, still covered their heads but not their faces, had long robes on also, reminding me of the nuns I grew up with. Then young women, teenagers, hip young mamas, where wearing head scarves with beautiful, fitted long tops, but very hip jeans underneath, and the youngest of all, the little girls and boys, were running around indistinguishable for their clothes from the rest. There were hibachis and coolers, plates, cups and napkins, and I imagined a bit of oh-so-yummy food from their table, but I don't think they were looking for company, so I kept to my fruit and cheese.
Directly in front of me were the Latina mamas, big sisters, aunties watching their little ones. A row of gorgeous, young, dark haired and perfectly olive skinned women, in tight jeans and tighter t-shirts, laughing and watching, all heads turned toward me when Augustus falls, and I didn't even think they knew I was behind them. They knew, they clocked us, they knew who those little ones belonged to. There was a group of Asian-American families, the mamas following their little ones through the playground, pushing the swings, and finally, us and a few other random families, mamas with one little one, or one baby, taking it all in and really marvelling at who we are.

Then Los Angeles proper. Below are the principles of the homeschool group we slid in with whilst doing our LA gig. Saiya, Magdalena, Blossom and Maddy. I say principles because they were the big girls, the almost five and five year olds, the grand dames of the group, as it were. Some time last fall, Jessica, the mama/dear friend/partner in mama-ing, who we were staying with in LA, called me not completely convinced that this homeschooling thing was going to work out. She couldn't find the families that clicked, she was checking out park days, going online, but hadn't yet met her tribe. Trust, I told her, Trust. I was exactly the same - who were our friends going to be? Where were the mamas, the babies, the big kids that I was going to do this thing with? Who were we going to create this life with? And then, voila, at the library one day I saw them; I said, there they are, those are my people, those mamas and babies and big kids are the ones, and they were. So I said to Jessica, Trust. And she did, and they came. She called me thrilled one day, saying she had met two mamas who she got, who she knew before she even met them! She even said "I met my west coast Connor! She's lived all the same places as you, she totally gets me!".

Our first full day in LA (Culver City/Mar Vista-ish, feeling very Venice Beach) was New Years Eve, so off we go to the New Years Eve homeschool coop afternoon party at one of the family's houses. And doncha know, as I'm backing the Mitsu up to park and unload, out there, on the street, in Venice, CA, welcoming us to her house, was "the west coast Connor" and doncha know, as I stick my head out the window to ask for some guidance into the spot, I hear "Connor?" and I say "Claudia?" and who knew that the west coast Connor was an old friend of mine, actually, the woman who was partners with a really old friend of mine from Atlanta in owning the Three of Cups restaurant I bartended at back on 5th and Avenue A in Alphabet city, in NYC? Really? Come on, no way. Way. WOW. We both laughed at who we were and marvelled at who we have become. She said, did you ever figure me for a homeschooling mom? I never imagined you as one. I thought, but didn't say out loud, shoot, who knew I'd even survive NYC, let alone thrive? Will the miracles never stop? I'm betting on a lifetime of them, miracles that is.

a bit from today

2009-02-09T22:45:00.003-05:00

No photos, I was a bit of a lazy mama today, but it was just such a lovely lovely lovely day at the zoo that I want to say what a lovely day it was! Funny, but I still feel like we're "getting back into the swing of things" and here we've been home for three weeks! No, wait, today was the first day of week four being home. Doesn't it feel like we should be well into the swing? I dare say, time does fly by. Ok, whew. I just checked the calender and today is the first day of our third week home, that doesn't feel quite so slow off the block to me, not quite as sluggish, if you know what I mean. Well, wrong again, it is the first day of our fourth week! Good heavens! So I have been home a full three weeks and still figuring out where stuff goes! But in our or rather my defense, we did bring home an entire car load of stuff that we did not leave with, which means an entire car load of stuff has to leave to make room for the car load of stuff that came because in somewhere around 850 square feet of living space there is not room for the new without letting go of the old.

I have two friends whose blogs I follow, you can check them out, they're both on the side bar, who recently posted about their weekly schedule. Hhmmmm....weekly schedule...hhhmmmmm...weekly schedule...yes, yes, uhhh, yes I do believe I've heard of those things, like, where a person or family or group of people do a similar thing each day or week together or separately, yes, I do believe I am familiar with that concept. Familiar, mind you, not a working knowledge of, but yes, familiar. HA!

But I digress. I was talking about today, the loveliness of today, at the zoo, with Eleanor and her two daughters Allie and Kimberly, Bianca a recent addition to our group of mama/women friends, Rose with darling sons Dominic and Franco, Shazza with her sweet Trinity, and clan Barnas (us, of course, sans Frida). It was mostly our homeschool crew from last year, minus a few, with a few new, and it was a gorgeous winter Florida day - bright blue sky, warm sun for the bones, and a bit of heat truth be told, I was starting to almost sweat running up and down the slides in the play area with Augustus. We all kept saying, oh how we've missed this! The familiarity of our children all running together, the mamas lagging a bit behind, Allie reading all about which exhibit we're coming to (her reading is off the charts!), feeding those crazy giraffes of the extra long blue tongues, just being together.

So there is my impetus, my directive to "get back into the swing of things" and pronto! We do want our homeschool life back in some semblance of order. There is laundry to be done, ground to prepare, a garden to begin, sewing and stitching and counting and art and craft to be done, and still the re-connecting continues. But then it just seems to be about seasons and reconnecting with life and patterns and rhythm. There was so much that I learned on the roadtrip, so many lessons I want to bring home into our life, such richness to add to the already-richness of our life here in Casa Rosa, casita rosita, the sweet little pink house. It's all here, it's waiting, it's all ready.

a few more bits from the road

2009-02-09T21:49:00.006-05:00

But wait, I'm only like, halfway through the roadtrip, there's more! Like Christmas! Once we picked up Ethan in Texas, we were on a schedule and the trip seemed to jump into hyperspeed. We hit the ground running and didn't slow down for one second.

Christmas morning is just like, well, Christmas for the babes. They were so excited I thought they were going to jump out of their skin! Here they are with Auntie Delia, who, by the way, is the most wonderful 18 year old Auntie on the planet. Magdalena and Augustus are smitten, I say Smitten, with her. The sun rises and sets by her and she shines her love all over them.

After Magdalena and Augustus had their fill of good morning Christmas candy, off we went for a visit with the Huffman's for a bit of old friend/family love and hanging out. Gregg and Janet are two of the most beautiful parents we know. I've watched their children grow from little little people to college students and wild and woolly high-school students and am always inspired by how wonderful they all are, together, as a family.

the God-father, the papa, the daughter

Magdalena and Augustus helping Janet feed the fishy in their Christmas finery. Why is girl finery so much finer than boy finery? I see a velveteen jacket in Augustus's future Christmas wardrobe...

After Christmas in Albuquerque, we hit the road for Yuma, AZ to spend some time soaking up the desert sun with our Yuma family, Grandma Fran and Grandpa John. We spent one entire day at a park by Colorado River, it was an awesome, sprawling park, one could not ask for more than this park offers.

We had a wonderful morning, outside, playing at the playground. We spent the afternoon by the Colorado, looking across this small part of the river at California, getting our feet wet and standing under the train trestle, our ears covered against the deafening roar, watching as the trains passed overhead.

Yuma is where Ethan left the journey, heading on back to Texas to finish tech school. We stayed on and went on a perfect desert mountain hike with grandma Fran. Let's see...who's the seasoned hiker in this photo, and whose children look dressed for a party? Discuss.

Magdalena and Augustus had a high time with grandma, in her sewing room, designing their pillow cases custom made by grandma Fran. One minute, there is white fabric, then voila! Grandma Fran works her magic and we have custom "quillow" cases for all!

the dream of a white Christmas

2009-02-07T19:40:00.008-05:00

Many times during the last two years, Magdalena has asked me: "Mama, will it snow this Christmas?" and many times I have answered her: "baby, ya know, it just doesn't really snow in Florida that much, once in a blue moon maybe."
When we started planning this trip, I knew that if we were going to be in NM during the winter, we were going to find some snow by george. I thought to myself, I don't care if we have to drive to Taos for the day, we are going to find some snow. Who knew? Who knew how lucky we'd be that a huge storm would blow through just before we got there, and that what was rain where we were in the valley would be inches and inches and inches of fresh powder out on Sandia? Who knew? Magdalena, that's who. She new. She new we'd have a white Christmas like no other, out there, the day of Christmas eve, at Doc Long picnic area, under dressed like the Floridians we have become (well, like I have returned to and my NM family have become). She knew with the faith of a child that if she wished hard enough, there'd be snow a'plenty to play in. So play we did, under the bluest of blue New Mexico skies, making snowballs, trying to roll snow, stomping in untracked snow, eating snow, having a snowy big time.

sunlight and the Traveling Virgin

2009-02-06T16:16:00.004-05:00

Her official title might be Pilgrim Virgin of Fatima, but we call her the Traveling Virgin. In the past, I put her in our bedroom, up on the dresser. For this visit we have her in the living room, in front of the window, bathed in late afternoon light. She sits on a beautiful white scarf that belonged to my mamaw, with a small handkerchief of my Tata Tita Isabel's, and Titi Feli's rosary. She is a blessing to have, and cuts quite a figure in our humble little casita. She is the ultimate Mother, and for me, her presence is a constant reminder of Motherly Love, absolute, unconditional, true love.

(home)

2009-02-05T01:15:00.002-05:00

I mentioned in passing just how wonderful it is to be home, but I don't think I gushed. So I'll gush now. The first week passed in a blur, just getting home and decompressing, unpacking, re-uniting with family and friends, and then the event - my man came on home. Ohhh the joy. The simple Joy of: the special welcome dinner and oh-so-delicious cake; homemade strawberry ice cream; shopping en familia at Target (totally not our M.O.); puttering and doing lawn work and regular home stuff; watching Ethan walk around the house, just the joy of laying my eyes on him here, in our home; listening to the children sqeal as they played with papa and just knowing we were all here, together.
This past Monday, I was in the kitchen listening to NPR and cooking our favorite turkey burger and homemade french fries dinner, the children were playing and Frida was here with us, it was a bit past five pm, the phone rang and it was Ethan saying "I'm on my way home honey, could you make me a cup of coffee?" and there may as well have been choirs of angels singing Amazing Grace. I was in absolute heaven, pure bliss, at this, this totally pedestrian, mundane moment that is a regular moment in my life. It was our first regular back to work day, and the perfection of my life, with it's normalcy and every-regular-ness, struck me as sacred. I realize our blessings and our gifts and while I didn't think I needed the 40 day/7000 mile trek to bring that to my consciousness, it sure did kick it in.

more bits

2009-02-04T21:54:00.011-05:00

Have I mentioned that our cross-country trip was a bit of a study of American family life, family structure, diet, and culture? And did I mention that my dearest and darlingest friends family styles/structures/diet/culture careen wildly from one end of the spectrum (whichever spectrum, pick one) to the other? From extremely low media exposure and no screen time (tv, computer, video game) to the full expression of America's marketing's finest and conventional screen time? I must say, we did manage to transition seamlessly from one to the other, and for that I credit my darling children's ability to make themselves comfortable wherever they are and our major road rule - the "when in Rome" edict I made at the beginning of the trip. Meaning, when we're in your back yard, we play by your rules. If you drink cow milk with every meal, then have some milk. If you must wear shoes to go outside (because of goatheads and whatnot), we wear shoes. If you can jump on the beds and eat outside the kitchen, well enjoy enjoy enjoy! If you can watch the Simpsons, well then of course...wait a minute, really? Allright, I did say...

From the rural mountain retreat-like hideaway of the LaShell family, we drove to Nashville for a glorious ruckus with Clan Downs - Jonny, Dara, Caolan and Ruairi, and glorious it was. We were presented with gifts of make-up and chocolate and footballs right off the bat, and need I say it was on? Magdalena and Augustus had been talking about Ru for weeks and there was no need for introductions.

Jonny, the talented and wonderful musician that he is, was singing some Christmas songs, playing guitar, practicing for a fundraiser for a local school that Dara signed him up to do, and Augustus was in awe! (uh, why yes, that is my son, Augustus, in the pink velour and purple tule with purple satin trim and fluffy pale green tule cap sleeved Disney Fairy costume, so good of you to notice!) Anyhoo, Augustus came silently down the stairs, slowly rounded the corner, and just stared at Jonny playing, mouth agape, until he processed exactly What. Was. Going. On. And that would be live music to dance to so dance he did!

Magdalena experienced her first Daisy Scout meeting with Ru, while I met my sister from another mother at a local coffee shop. We both bought our vintage glasses from the Bleeker Street flea market, we had lived in the same places, and we both love Fluvogs. What a lovely coffee, just a bunch of moms (and one manny) having coffee and chatting and laughing while the girls were in Scouts. Is that legal?
After not enough time and too much fun, we took leave of our darling Downs family and headed off to meet papa in Wichita Falls, TX. It took us two days to get there, and on the third day we headed, now with Ethan, to Alamogordo, our old home sweet home, for a morning and afternoon with some of our dearest dearest friends. As you can see, Magdalena and Augustus are dressed in full regalia and mixing it up with Maria.

Our Alamogordo family was witness to the most significant events of my life: my marriage to Ethan and the births of my children. These folks met me first as Ethan's girlfriend, welcomed me as his wife, and have been family to me and my children. They were my neighbors, confidants, support system, emergency childcare, and cat-sitters. This photo holds more love than I knew possible.

two more from the road

2009-02-02T23:16:00.004-05:00

Second stop, Marietta, with my Georgia kin for family love, meeting the much bally-hoo-ed new girlfriend and Aunt Nancy's special friend. My cousin Constance (not pictured) recently wrote on our family blog/website that she loved our family, that she loved how we close we all are and that we come a'visiting more often than not, and with that, I must concur. My mom and her sister, my Auntie Nancy made sure we were together, all the cousins, as often as it could happen. Every Christmas; the random Thanksgivings; legions of New Year's Eve galas at the house I grew up in - long dresses for all the girls; weeks spent every summer shipped off to mammaw and pappaw's house in KCMO; the cabin in Balsam, NC for a weekend here and there, growing up I always thought our family was huge, but really, it was just full and frequent.

Next stop, western North Carolina, about 20-30 minutes from Waynesville, I think. We spent some seriously lovely time with Mark, Jessica, Ben and Maiya and what a gorgeous mountain-y time that was.

Maiya is the dirt-eating-est little one I have ever met. I mean really, she seeks out the red clay chunks and just pops 'em in her mouth, you'd think they were candy. For this shot she lovingly smeared her gorgeous face and fingers, after I retrieved a pretty large portion of the clay from her mouth. The LaShells live in the mountains without blinds on their windows and with a garden in front. We walked down the street, confident that we'd hear a car if there was actually traffic coming crunching the gravel. We got sprinkled on talking to the neighbor as his goat wandered to the fence, headed back up the hill, and marvelled at the mouth-full-of-marbles-ness that is part of the true western North Carolina rural mountain accent. Magdalena discovered the joy of kale after she and Ben harvested a bit for each meal, and is counting the days until we plant our own.

one from the road (or so I thought)

2008-12-22T17:15:00.009-05:00

(Ignore that post date, that's when I started this post)

I wrote this blog entry early in the roadtrip under the mistaken impression that I would be updating regularly. I was obviously wrong. After 40 days and 7000 miles, we returned home two weeks ago and have been settling in ever since. My darling man returned home last Monday and life is sweet sweet SWEET, I do say. Just to have my family together, home, and back to the regular regular.

All is well.

Our first stop, in Atlanta Ga, with Lorie Jean and Harper and Addie, was...how do you say? Smashing! We arrived much later than planned because, uh, we left much later than planned, but who cares? When one is in the presence of the Harris clan, time does not exist in it's natural state. Otherwise, how could one explain three little girls and two mamas up until 1:30-ish in the morning with nary a sad face or meltdown? Only fun and toys and play play play! Yes, Augustus missed out. He was such a trooper, he stayed up literally until we were about to pull into LJ's driveway, saying no mama, I'm not asleep, I'm staying awake to see LJ and Harper and Addie only for me to turn around to tell him We've arrived! to see him sleeping so soundly, not all the racket in the world could awaken him.

We presented LJ and the girls with the fruit of our pre-trip labors, beautiful (spoiler alert, if I'm going to stay with you on this trip, avert your eyes) hand-poured soaps. Notice I did not say hand-made. With good reason. I searched and searched for lye-free soap recipes, seeing as how I did not want to blind myself or one of my wee helpers, and was left high and dry. About to give up on the entire project, I encountered a book on how to "make" soap from already made soap! Imagine my joy, tempered with the thought that I was somehow cheating, but I bought the book and well suffice it to say that until someone gives me a fabulous lye-free simple and relatively easy soap recipe, this is the way to go for me! We loved doing them so so much that I want to make them for everyone! On the planet! They turned out so yummy and honey-y and beeswax-y and, well, delightful that I'm addicted to glycerin soap pouring. I guess you had to be there.

the adventure begins and a flashback

2008-12-17T09:46:00.003-05:00

So I'm on a roadtrip, did I tell you I was going? Oh, I forgot to tell you too? Sometimes, I tell ya, that ol' noggin of mine...
Flashback:
Wednesday, December 10
We went to our first holiday party of the season and had a lovely time, but really the loveliest part of all was Magdalena, Augustus and Frida all dressed up in there Christmas finery, and trust they were, along with the grandchildren of the hostess, the life of the party. Quick visual, little to big because I must have dropped my mom card that night I did not take one single photo.
Frida: casual updo, simple, beautiful blue velvet and black silk little girl fancy dress (think Ralph Lauren) and black and tan wellingtons (galoshes)
Augustus: new little boy haircut, red and green plaid Christmas shirt, red sweater vest with white trim, khaki pants, black cowboy boots
Magdalena: gorgeous green silk headband with small flowers, gorgeous big girl Christmas dress - a warm sand colored dress embroidered with burgundy flowers and dark green delicate leaves, silk sash with a flower around the waist, embroidery finished hem (sent from Nana), sparkly "princess"shoes
It was lovely, like I said.

Thursday, December 11
Magdalena participated in the annual Waldorf Advent Spiral. (Once again, description only, no photos. What?) I'm not sure about y'all, but when I see about twenty 4-6 year olds sitting quietly on a step, reverently, listening to a small folk string ensemble play Amazing Grace and various other instrumental Christmas classics, get up one by one, receive a candle in an apple (picture a small apple as a candle holder, a chunk cut out of the top for the votive), slowly and reverently walk a beautiful spiral of fresh evergreen boughs to the middle, light (or pretend to light/go through the motions of lighting because the wind kept blowing them out) their candle, then place the apple candle on a small wooden cut-out star following the curve of the spiral, walk reverently out of the spiral, then sit and wait for the other twenty or so children to do the exact same thing, well, I believe I have witnessed a minor if not miracle, then Very Special Event. Needless to say, but it was lovely.
Full disclosure: I walked the spiral with Augustus after the children had finished (they went inside for a story, cookies and apple juice) to retrieve Magdalena's apple, and I must say, there was a feeling, a spiritual presence, a feeling for reverence and of reverence that came over us both as we walked that spiral. The wind was blowing, the full moon and stars above, and as we quietly and slowly, with purpose, walked the spiral, it felt like we entered a sacred space.

Friday, December 12
And the big day arrives! We leave for our roadtrip! Our adventure of the season, our holiday travels, our journey to see papa and family and friends all, well, almost all, points north and west.
Our ETD was 11am, shooting in actuality for noon, making it out the door after 2pm with no major meltdowns and a not-too-harried mama, I'd say a perfect take-off in that case. More to come on the roadtrip, photos and all. Right now we are at stop four, Nashville, TN and the children need tending.

Did you notice?

2008-12-08T13:29:00.002-05:00

Friday we went to our favorite library in town for our regular Friday family story/art time and sooooo enjoyed ourselves. Afterwards we went straight to the Barber Shop. Did you notice? Augustus and his incredibly cute and handsome little boy haircut? Straight from the 50's? Ohhh but he is so yummy I could just eat him up.

cold enough for coco and a pink pancake morning

2008-12-03T22:43:00.009-05:00

What I imagine Augustus will look like drinking coffee when he's 17:

Call me crazy, I think the above photo is hilarious.

Ok, so on to the post. Do you ever have one of those mornings or rather days when you just don't get out of your pajamas? No? Well read on, and you'll hear about a mama who does. This morning it was just cold enough, just brisk enough to really warrant a morning of hot coco for Magdalena and Augustus. And it just turned into one of those amazing slow mornings of breakfast, finally, at around 11:30, of the most luscious pink heart-shaped pancakes on the planet. Cross Jessica Seinfeld's beet pancake recipe with Joy's four-grain flapjack recipe and that is a pancake to be reckoned with, delicious to boot. Not for the faint of heart, they cook up to almost 1/2 inch thick of moist pink yumminess and I get to feel like a Really Good Mama and I Am Happy because my children are lapping up Homemade Pink Pancake Goodness with beets and ricotta cheese and eggs and whole wheat and oats with coconut oil subbing for the butter and all honey sweetness.

Along with our morning treat of hot coco M. and A. broke out the new alphabet stamp pad. I love homeschooling, did I mention that? We did a morning of stamping and letter identification (A) and sounding out and spelling (M) all before noon and still in our pj's. Lovely. Then on to the flapjacks around 11-ish and that is the recipe for starting a wonderful day. That after waking up slowly with both my snugly children glued to my sides in bed this morning, we are off to a rollicking start. I worked on being lazy, hard, worked on some crafty things I have going, drew a bath for Augustus and Frida not one time not two times but three times today, starting with immediately after the first round of pancakes around noon, ending with the last round of pancakes, around 3:00. My mom stopped by around 2:30-ish and Magdalena said we're having lunch to which I promptly said, well, it's really our afternoon snack. You know, because exactly what kind of mom feeds her children and niece lunch at 2:30? Well, the kind that feeds them breakfast at 11:30 I guess.

Did I mention also that Magdalena has opted to keep her hair short? We went and got her bob trimmed, she requested a "stacked bob", and the hair dresser said, "I've never heard a little girl say that". Right. So now on to our local old school barber shop where Augustus is raring to go to get his hair cut. Tomorrow. Really.

Oh, and how'd ya like the product placement in the lower photos? They really stand out to me because I don't buy juice boxes, unless we're actually at Starbucks and that's what they want, Auntie Su-Su brought them for the children after she went to Starbucks because she is such a sweetie.

So now it appears I have two sponsors for this post, the product placement of the Knudsen's (I think) and the shout-out for Starbucks. Can I get paid now?

pss. one more thing. Along time ago, a friend told me she wanted to comment and couldn't, I just figured out how to open up the "comment section"! So now anybody can comment, anybody! Just sign your name and don't say anything mean, or I might have to "edit" you.

exactly what am I thankful for?

2008-11-28T23:01:00.004-05:00

Exactly what am I thankful for? Is there a way to quantify that? I mean, exactly where does one start?
I could start with that I am alive.
That my body works, my fingers and toes and legs arms brain olfactory nerves, ya know, my body.
I'm thankful for my family. My man, my rock-solid gorgeous TCB-ing man. My daughter who amazes me daily with her wisdom, her beauty and her absolute love of life. My son, oh my sweet son who is unfolding like a flower or a sleeping tyrannosaurus rex, we'll see which he awakes to be tomorrow because it is ever evolving. From there, my family of origin who I would pick over and over and over to revisit this life this world this experience with because my dad, my mom, my brothers - the one we lost, the one we found, and the one who's been next to me all along, and my sister are unarguably the most loving amazing hilarious cool and wonderful people on the planet.
I am thankful that I live here, in this house, on this street, in this city, in this country. There, I said it. I have lived in another country, I have visited a few other countries and while each place had its charms and loveliness, there is no other country on this planet like the good ole U.S of A. (I am not jingoistic, just grateful that I do live here.)
I'm thankful for morning snuggles with my babes, cozy in our big bed with the light streaming in and blue sky above through the window and I am extra thankful for those special mornings when I awake first, Augustus, me, Magdalena, then Ethan, all still in bed, all still asleep around me, I hear their breath, feel their closeness, and I feel safe, like there is nothing bad or scary in the world. Oh how I give thanks for those mornings.
I am thankful for my sparkly clean bathroom and new shower curtain.
I am thankful for the new stereo in the Mitsu that my darling husband ordered for me and my bad-*ss BIL put in for me (thanks Neil!).
I am thankful for our family traditions, the way we laugh, Anthony's movie lines, and that our family is growing.
I am so thankful for all my Cuban primos, they keep me grounded in history and family and who we are.
I am thankful for my husband who reminds me that I am also Puerto Rican, German, some other northern and central European and more so stand proud.
I am thankful that there are people in my life who remind me to have some gratitude.
I am so ever so thankful for the people in my life who share their lives with me, us, who let me in enough to witness their quirks or defects or worst sides so that I know that I am not alone, that I am not so awful, and that it is human to be human.
I am thankful for my Georgia cousins and auntie who have more love than they know what to do with and have always loved me, through thick and thin.

I am thankful for moments of Grace, those seemingly split-second moments when my mind cracks open and I can see, if only for that moment, that my life is lived in perfection, not a cosmic eyelash out of place, that God's got it baby, that it is all alright, that we are not going to be ok, but we are all ok right now.
I am so thankful for those moments those sand-slipping-through-my-fingers moments because as fleeting as they are, when I realize total surrender to what is and realize the beauty and love of the life that surrounds me, I am at peace, I understand serenity, and even as the moment fades I am left with a knowledge and understanding of God, perfection, unconditional love and true pure beauty.

That is exactly what I am thankful for, that and oh so much more.

magic, dreams and believing

2008-11-19T10:35:00.004-05:00

Disney

I remember when we first moved to Florida, somehow the subject of Disney World came up and Ethan said, now I'm paraphrasing but I think I got it pretty close: That will never happen. Baby, I will never go to Disney world. Oh come on I thought, eventually we'll go, we have children, we live in Florida for goodness sake! But I must say, I got the sentiment. Disney means many things to me, and most of them having to do with marketing and pastiche (sans satire), not magic love joy or beauty. So imagine my surprise when my sweet mama says to Jeanna and I last spring, we're going to Disney World! I got this package for three days and two nights and Disney tickets so let's plan a trip! I believe I audibly groaned, but when the abuela offers to take her grandchildren to Disney, there is one correct answer, protocol love and respect dictate, and that answer is "We'd love to go! thank you mom!"

The planning began and after months of knowing it was coming and asking and dreaming on the part of Magdalena, the weekend was upon us. Magdalena, Augustus and Frida's excitement was infectious and I got really excited. Who knew? We arrived at the park and the first thing we saw was the parade. And can I tell you, there is nothing as incredible as the look on my daughter's face when she saw Pooh, then Mary Poppins, then (GASP!), The Princesses! I cried the kind of tears that are all gratitude and love and wonder and thanks and goodness and awe. I cried because my daughter was with my mom and it was pure magic. I cried because who knew I could be so moved by spectacle? I cried because there is an innocence in us all, and it broke through my cynicism and I was filled with joy, absolute joy. Watching my mom up front with Magdalena and Frida was magical, the kind of magic that I imagine Walt Disney himself thought of when he dreamed up Disney. Disney's theme is "Where Dreams Come True!" and you know what, they do in a crazy veneer sort of a way.

As we entered the park, a park official asked Magdalena if she would be kind enough to autograph his book, to sign in for the day, and of course she was thrilled to write her name for him. He didn't ask us, he didn't ask the littles, just Magdalena. Imagine.

Bring on the magic!

Now, who'd the kid here I ask you?

Jeanna rocking the princess mouse.

In Toon Town, one can actually go visit the Princesses. Magdalena asked "where are the princesses?" so off we went to find them. In the strange world that is Disney, we waited in line watching snippets of the different animated Disney movies about princesses or the new fairy movies, waiting to go visit the princesses in their, uh, waiting rooms I guess one could call them. Each princess was perfectly the princess she embodied. Those princesses were the workingest women I have ever seen, hugging and speaking soooo sweetly and lovingly to child after child after child, squatting down to hug a child, asking questions, treating each little person as if they were the first little person they had seen that day, not the thousandth, and I think that is an accurate number. And not one ever broke character, not even an eyebrow raise.

So we get there, Magdalena jumps up and down with excitement, hides, giggling, behind me and won't go near a princess. She and Augustus crawl around on all fours and Cinderella says in a perfect high-pitched Cinderella voice, "Well it looks like you have two silly mice with you!"

After scoping out the scene thoroughly, Magdalena says, "but where's Ariel?" Did I mention we waited in line about 30-40 minutes? And Belle said, totally respecting Magdalena's question, "Well, Ariel is in her grotto of course, I'm sure she'd love to see you, you can go visit her there."

I do believe it was the last event of the day, our visit to Ariel's grotto. Imagine.

But wait, there's more...

Seaworld

Now, I thought I knew what to expect at Seaworld. I went a when I was little, I remember Shamu, I remember the amazing dolphins. But theater? Acrobats? It seems that Seaworld has taken a page from the Cirque du Soliel book and created a wonderful combination of theater and sea mammals and birds that takes magic to a new level because, basically, it's real! The theme or slogan of Seaworld is "Believe". Believe in yourself, believe in your dreams, believe you can do whatever it is you want to do. Believe. And after a day at Seaworld, I believe.

Magdalena and Augustus dancing on the wall, ears a permanent fixture.

Have you ever seen a sea dragon? Only in Australia.

We were all taken by the pearl divers

If Disney is the fantasy of dreams, then Seaworld is the beating heart and soul of dreams, the visceral actualization of dreams. The dolphin and whale trainers were in love with their charges, working with them and realizing their dreams of swimming with dolphins and whales.

At the end of the day, tired and hungry and in need of good food, thank heavens for the tu tu tango cafe. A restaurant "for the starving artist", walls covered in local art for sale, beautiful live guitar music, a balloon man/magician entertaining the children, and an incredibly delicious tapas style menu.

Our weekend adventure turned out to be a stellar, smashing success that went beyond my wildest imaginings of what it would be like. I went braced for conspicuous consumption, staggering consumerism and the attack of a marketing juggernaut, which we got, but what I didn't expect, or what I forgot about or didn't know about, was the magic, the pure magic of the whole thing. The optimism of a place where dreams come true, the joy and pure fun of Disney and the unexpected brilliance of Seaworld. Think about it, all those people, all that machinery, all that energy just to make you, and you, and you, feel special and for just a moment, feel like all that magic is all there is and really, all that matters.